[We now take a break from our regularly scheduled programming for the following rant.]

I've been a devoted fan of LOST since its debut. I have watched the first season four times; I have watched the second season three times; I have watched the third and fourth seasons twice.

I can watch it so repeatedly only because the writing is so damn good. I love how the audience is given credit for having a brain, that we have to guess at what people are thinking or feeling, and that even if people's motivations aren't apparent at the start, we sense a good reason for their actions, and there's a payoff when the full story (usually a back story) is revealed.

It is simply compelling to watch the characters interact and develop and grow. They act like real people. And we don't have all the answers.

Unfortunately, now that we're knee-deep in season five, it feels like LOST is starting to completely lose all the wonderful things that made it so good to begin with.

• We now get touchy-feely emotional status updates or displays from the likes of Sawyer or Kate, as if we were watching daytime drama. I don't want people to vomit up their emotions every other scene! I want repression, misdirection, misunderstanding!
  
• We now see characters do crazy things (that put themselves at enormous risk) that they have no reason or motivation to do (except out of the goody-goodness of their hearts).
• Everything is now explained to us. (Hey, sorry folks if you haven't been able to follow the time-travel plot twists, let us break it down for you real slow during this excruciating conversation, revealing how dumb we think you really are.)
• Numerous plot holes opening left and right. E.g., aren't people suspicious that Juliet has suddenly become a skilled surgeon when she was originally working the motor pool? Hello?

I just spent about 10 minutes Googling to find sympathizers, by searching:

• Lost Season 5 poor writing
• Lost Season 5 bad writing
• Lost Season 5 terrible writing
• Lost Season 5 writing
  

I found nothing. Am I being too tough on this show? Am I the only one? Aren't there any writers/editors watching? Does anyone agree it's quickly becoming unwatchable? (I think I may have some sympathizers over at AgentQuery due to a Tweet exchange on wanting to detonate the island.)

One of the first lessons I taught student writers, when I was instructing freshman composition, was the art of rhetoric. Rhetoric isn't a term many of us are familiar with, yet we employ rhetoric every day to get the things we want and to persuade people.

If a writer is an outstanding rhetorician, it means he knows how to persuade. Rhetoric (rather than writing) used to be studied in school. It still should be. (Read a history of rhetoric at Wikipedia.)

As a professional editor, when it comes to interacting with friends, family, and others (off the job), they all tend to think (or be fearful) that I am silently picking apart their writing style and grammar, looking for errors, or otherwise judging their proficiency. Nothing could be further from the truth. I might notice the errors, but as long as errors don't get in the way of meaning, who cares?

But I do notice when someone's rhetoric isn't effective. And that's when I tend to speak out in the most uninvited way. Like right now.

I happened to read this blog post about leadership, which uses the analogy of an orchestral conductor to make its point. Of course, whenever I find anything that mentions orchestral conducting, I send it to The Conductor! And I knew this blog post would push every single one of his buttons, and he'd be compelled to comment. (Which he did.)

With The Conductor's reluctant permission (and hopefully none of you consider this a public spectacle, just a very informative writing and publishing lesson!), I'm reproducing his original comment here, followed by my revised version, that shows how a great writer (as well as a great marketer) always gears a piece of writing for an intended audience.

ORIGINAL

You know, it’s misinformed nonsense like this that perpetuates the incorrect impressions people have about what it is a conductor actually does. (I blame all those Bugs Bunny cartoons!)

Of course, the “true visionary” is the composer. That’s why we classical musicians devote our lives to studying and performing their works hundreds of years after they were written. However, you are quite incorrect with your suggestion that every player has a score. This could not be further from the truth!

A typical conductor’s score has anywhere from 10 to 50 lines of music to be read simultaneously. The conductor must spend countless hours studying scores in preparation for rehearsals, for he is in fact the ONLY member of the ensemble who has a blueprint of what everyone is supposed to be doing. Each section of the orchestra has only their OWN part in front of them. The violins don’t know what the flute is playing. The timpani has no clue when the cellos are going to come in. Given that there are 80-100 people on stage, with differing experiences, musical attitudes, and abilities – SOMEONE has to lead. And that someone damn well knows what he’s doing.

Don’t believe me? Watch these 2 minutes of rehearsal:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLLzZVsErjo

What you see in concert, when a conductor leads an ensemble through a performance, is the end product of dozens of hours of study by the conductor, and then yet another dozen hours or more of rehearsal.

Finally, the idea that the orchestra could do just fine without a conductor is also quite untrue. Yes there are orchestras, the oft-mentioned Orpheus Chamber Orchestra being the most celebrated, which performs sans conductor. However, what is less well-known is that in rehearsal, each and every rehearsal, the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra chooses someone from the orchestra to conduct. And they must hold many more rehearsals than most orchestras in order to prepare for a performance without a conductor.

I’ve played in professional orchestras as a violinist for over 20 years, and have conducted for over a decade. Ask any professional musician playing in a major orchestra if it would be possible to perform a major work of Shostakovich, Mahler, or Schoenberg without a conductor. I assure you the answer will be, “no”. And this is why the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra is a “Chamber” orchestra, and not a full orchestra.

REVISED
Note: The numbers in brackets refer to my commentary below.

[1] You are absolutely right that the true visionary is the composer. Classical musicians study and perform composers' works hundreds of years after they were written. However, your analogy doesn't quite reach perfection, since your suggestion that every player has a score is not entirely accurate.

[2] [3] Each section of the orchestra has only their own part in front of them. The violins don’t know what the flutes are playing. The timpani has no clue when the cellos are going to come in. You can have 80-100 people on stage, all with very individual parts (not to mention experiences, musical attitudes, and abilities). On the other hand, a typical conductor’s score keeps track of all this. It has anywhere from 10 to 50 lines of music to be read simultaneously. The conductor is the only member of the ensemble who has a blueprint of what everyone is supposed to be doing. What you see in concert, when a conductor leads an ensemble through a performance, is the result of a specific person making specific decisions and leading—decisions that are made during rehearsals before performance.

[4] You can see an example during these two minutes of a Leonard Bernstein rehearsal:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLLzZVsErjo

[5] As you mention, though, there are orchestras, the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra being the most celebrated, which performs sans conductor. What is less well-known is that in every rehearsal, the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra chooses someone from the orchestra to conduct. And they hold many more rehearsals than most orchestras in order to prepare for a performance without a conductor.

[6] [7] [8] I have to admit, though, I am biased. I have conducted for over a decade. However, I’ve also played in professional orchestras as a violinist for even longer, and have watched how the personality, technique, and preparation of a conductor can dramatically change the outcome of a performance—for better and worse. As you note, a conductor who makes a spectacle of himself isn't leading, and in turn won't be respected by the orchestra, which will result in a poor performance. A great conductor knows how to get out of the way and focus everyone's attention and passion on the music (or the composer and score, as you point out).

[1] I've removed the first lines in the original because it will automatically make the reader defensive and unlikely to listen to the forthcoming viewpoint. Studies have shown that it takes about 10 compliments to make up for 1 negative remark. Also think of it this way: Whatever your initial tone, or whatever feeling you convey, that will likely result in the same feeling in the reader. So if you're looking for sympathy, but not extending any to start, you'll have a more difficult time convincing anyone of your argument!

[2] I've reorganized information here so it focuses, first and foremost, on the immense challenge at hand: lots of individual parts that need to be … orchestrated. Putting out these facts then raises the question in the mind of the reader before you make your ultimate point and provide a solution. So, your reader is already agreeing with you before you even make the point.

[3] Exclamation points, all caps, or rhetorical questions can often subvert the point you're trying to make, rather than support it. I recommend eliminating in favor of language that's clearer or stronger.

[4] When you provide evidence, always be specific if you want someone to pay attention to it. (Also avoid snarkiness if you want someone to be attentive to your examples and take them seriously.)

[5] Repeating tactics from [2].

[6] Eventually, you do have to claim how your POV is biased (either directly or indirectly). This doesn't necessarily mean your POV is any less credible or persuasive. Rather than using it as a way to force your authority, use it to garner additional understanding.

[7] I've taken out specific references to composers, because unless one understands the challenges these composers present, the argument is not effective, and even worse, it alienates your audience if they don't understand.

[8] It's always best to end on a note of agreement, and find that common ground again. So I've put some words in the mouth of our conductor-writer here.

——

OK, this has been a long post. Congratulations to those who stuck with it! You can also see a more direct business benefit (related to rhetoric) over at All Things Workplace (that talks about always using "you" and "because" to get what you want).

Photo credit: jordanfischer

Everyone needs a good starting page when opening a browser. As much as I'd like to tell you to start off every morning by visiting WritersDigest.com, that's not actually useful or efficient. But let's say you're a Writer's Digest fan, and you want to have up-to-the-minute information about what's happening with us—without going to 5 or 10 different pages, or even without going to an RSS Reader.

Here's my WD guru home (via iGoogle, which I highly recommend as a tool).

5 key takeaways from this:

• Via iGoogle, I can add ANY piece of content I want IF it has an RSS feed associated with it. ANY content! You'll notice in the above screen capture, I've told iGoogle to add a box for every single Writer's Digest blog (by simply inputting into iGoogle the URL).
  
• You can also add gadgets to your page, e.g., mini-windows into Facebook and Twitter, which are also above. There are thousands of gadgets—informational gadgets (weather, stocks, recipes), tool gadgets (e.g., to-do lists), game gadgets.
  
• Now look to the lefthand side of the screen. See those tabs? I have a tab called "WD Guru." I also have a customized tab for Google News, as well as my basic "home" tab, which is loaded everytime I visit www.google.com (which is my browser's default homepage). By using this tab system, you can streamline different aspects of your personal and professional life.
  
• There's also a chat window on the left, and if I unscrolled it for you, there would be a bunch of my AIM and GoogleChat connections.
• You can also create your own Google Gadgets (and you don't have to be a programmer to do it). There's no end to the cuteness.
  

Previous and related:
Save Time Tip #1: Become More Efficient at Online Reading
Save Time Tip #2: Write, Share, Collaborate Online (Not Via E-mail)

For those unaware, I have been traveling in Thailand for the past couple weeks (clearly an ill-timed vacation). Few news reports adequately convey the magnitude of what has happened here in Thailand. Such reports are excellent at telling you the number of flights canceled, the number of people affected, and the dollars lost. The statistics are interesting, but they fail to put the crisis in context—and it is a crisis.

So let's play with the numbers some more. The Associated Press reports that Bangkok's airports handle 100,000 passengers every day. It has now been closed for about five days, and likely for another three days, at least. Imagine if New York's JFK airport closed for that length of time—in fact, imagine if JFK and LaGuardia both closed, because that's the volume of traffic that Bangkok's airports handle. (See stats in Wikipedia to confirm that I'm right.)

When I first heard news that the Bangkok airport was taken over by protesters (the PAD), I was amused. How cute, I thought, a country that's 95% Buddhist has a protest movement. Unfortunately, Buddhism + political protest = prolonged stalemate. While the PAD peacefully (or mostly peacefully) sit at the airport, the police just as peacefully sit by and watch, unwilling to use violent means to remove them. And the rest of us sit and watch (less peacefully), wondering what the breaking point will be—and everyone has said for three days we're at the breaking point.

So now we have a fascinating human dilemma: What do you do with so many people who can't leave the country—particularly when there are no major travel hubs that can be easily reached over land? (Thailand is bordered by Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia, and Malaysia.) Of course, Thailand's cities of Phuket and Chiang Mai still have functioning airports (and an old Vietnam-era airport has started to service flights), but there's very limited service, and good luck trying to find a seat on any international flight, at least within the next week. Most airlines servicing these airports are adding more flights if they can, and filling the seats with their own delayed passengers from Bangkok who have been able to reach a different departure city. Some countries have nobly rescued their own citizens with special arranged flights, e.g., Taiwan. (Of course there were only about 500 Taiwanese stranded, according to reports.)

I knew I was really stuck when, in an e-mail to stranded Americans, the U.S. embassy in Bangkok included this bargain offer:

Orientskys is a private jet company who provides international VIP service flights. Mr. Trevor (director) wants us to let anyone know about his service since he just got permission from the Thai government in order to fly anyone who is willing to pay for this VIP service from Thailand to several destinations, such as Kuala Lumpur, Hong Kong and Singapore. The cost would be around 25,000 US dollars per trip with a maximum passenger capacity of 8 passengers with VIP catering services, including limousine transportation service from Bangkok to U-Tapao Airport. Just in case anyone might be interested, they can call … [contact info snipped]

** Please note that this company is running their own business; their service has nothing to do with the U.S. government and the U.S. government will not pay for this service.

Thus, I am at the mercy of Northwest/Delta to get me out of here (not having $25K handy), and I can tell you they do not feel that this is "their" problem. Here's what one passenger said, in a comment on an online news story:

"They [Northwest] pointed out the section on Force Majeure which in fact is what the situation in Thailand is about. The clause all but allows the airline without liability to without notice, cancel, terminate, divert, postpone or delay any flight, right of carriage or reservation.

Lucky I was able to use miles and money to reserve a flight to KL on Malaysian Airlines which I hear flies their Bangkok flights into UTapao now.

Why don’t the airlines care about their passengers, I asked the purser on our USA to Tokyo leg of the NWA trip what their job was. She said to get passengers safely between point A and point B. Trouble is, if you can’t get to point B – then what?

While PAD is surely to blame for this mess, the airlines, without an emergency plan of operations is also to blame."

I am rescheduled to depart on Tuesday, December 2, but the situation looks bleak. News stories have recently emphasized how insecure the airport has been for nearly a week. On a Bangkok blog, one reader left the following comment on a CNN news story about the lawless situation at the airport:

The CNN correspondent makes a very interesting point. With no control whatsoever as to activity in and around the entire airport and all its various hideaways as well as around the large number of long distance aircraft and all the back-up equipment such as catering, fueling, buses, not to speak of all the Duty Free Shop items that might have been compromised, etc……it would seem possible that the International Aviation Authorities will demand that the entire airport go through a total head-to-toe re-certification process which could take days or weeks in order to re-assure all the other connection airports in the world aviation system that no terror related materials or people (or drug-related or some other monkey business related) will arrive in their own airports without having had any checks at the Bangkok source.

At this point you start to wonder: What's Christmas like in Thailand, and how big is my savings account to fund a month-long international stay? Or do I just spill a couple thousand dollars to fly short-notice on another airline? It's hard to know the wisest course of action, when it's impossible to predict when the airport will reopen.

Fortunately, the Tourist Authority of Thailand (TAT) has done an admirable job of taking care of stranded passengers, given the sheer mass of people needing assistance. A call to their hotline revealed that a business hotel in the Sukhumvit area (Imperial Hotel at Queen's Park) was being used to accommodate anyone for free who had a flight on November 26 or later and could present evidence, plus a passport. (Later, it was announced the TAT would help cover costs for tourists staying at any hotel, up to 2,000 Baht per day.)

The scene here at the Imperial almost defies description. That the hotel hasn't immediately morphed into a refugee camp is stunning, but that probably speaks to the incredible hospitality and hard-working Thai staff at this very large-scale hotel (I believe it has nearly 2,000 rooms). The clientele who normally stay here (bankrolled businessmen) have nothing in common with the tourists who now lodge here in much greater numbers, and the hotel's hostesses—women who look like Greek goddesses in their long, flowing white gowns and gold sashes around the waist—politely clean up after tourist and businessman alike, in the lobbies, in the dining rooms, everywhere. And the TAT runs a staffed help desk at all hours in the hotel lobby, which is engulfed by people every time I pass, and overflows with signs and listings of phone numbers (for every airline and hotel known to man).

All stranded passengers have been given meal vouchers for buffet-style dining at the hotel's most basic restaurant on the ground floor. (The hotel has many restaurants, but mostly high-class ones.) The food is far better than what most of us would normally eat while traveling (e.g., sea bass, ox-tail soup, and other foreign specialties). The first day I arrived at the Imperial and had a meal, they had authentic pumpkin pie available on the dessert table. I was nearly moved to tears.

So here at the Imperial I remain for the time being, with free lodging and food, and really expensive internet access—it is a business hotel after all—$20/hour. But it's the one connection I have to the people back home (as I came here alone). And I thank you all for your encouragement, support, and kind messages. I hope it won't be much longer before I return home.

To help promote our recent release, Pep Talks, Warnings & Screeds (indispensable wisdom and cautionary advice for writers by the indubitable George Singleton), we are giving away two fabulous original illustrations (see below) that were commissioned especially for this full-color book.

The illustrations are by Daniel Wallace (of Big Fish fame—even if you haven't read the book, you remember the movie adaptation, right?).

Click here to enter the drawing!

This video is being spread among F+W staff today. Brilliant.

Yesterday, my creative team at F+W had the honor of organizing and hosting Pie Day. And I had the added supreme honor of judging the pie bake-off, along with my colleague, Jamie Markle (Publisher, North Light Books) and my manager, Sara Domville (President, F+W Book Division).

To read the full update, visit the very new Farmers + Writers blog.

September 19 is Talk Like a Pirate Day, and since Writer's Digest is the publisher of the ever-popular Pirate Primer, we always have a hearty celebration.

In the words of marketing manager Scott Francis (pictured far left): "Aye! Hoist er up the yard arm! Fly the colors Laughhhren!"

Earlier this week I shared a little production coordinator humor from Mark G. Today we were delighted by a new note, on a bundle of page proofs, from the inimitable Greg N.

Discovered this fabulous piece by Leon Ogroske at Writers' Journal: "How Many to Screw in a Lightbulb?"

Q: How many copy editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  I can’t tell whether you mean ‘change a light bulb’ or ‘have sex in a light bulb.’ Can we reword it to remove the ambiguity?

Q: How many editors  does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. But first they have to rewire the entire building.

Q: How many managing editors does it take  to screw in a light bulb?
A: You were supposed to have changed that light  bulb last week!

Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a  light bulb?
A: Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?

Q: How many copy editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The last time this question was asked, it involved art directors. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.

Q: How many marketing directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It isn’t too late to make this neon instead, is it?

Q: How many proofreaders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Proofreaders aren’t supposed to change light bulbs. They should just query them.

Q: How many writers does it take to screw in a  light bulb?
A: But why do we have to CHANGE it?

Q: How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, and two to hold down the author.

Q: How many booksellers does it  take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, and they’ll be glad to do it too, except no one shipped them any.

———

Inspired by this list, my brilliant team (primarily Amy Schell and Grace Ring) created the following:

Q: How many production coordinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The 80 watt light bulb was too expensive, so we’re switching to 60 watt.

Q: How many production coordinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: You’ll need to submit a spec change to change that light bulb.

Q: How many production coordinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: No, you can’t change it.

This week I received a great message from an attendee of the Sacramento State Workshop, where I was a workshop presenter a few weeks ago. (You can find my recap of the workshop here.) Teresa Fleming says:

… please don't apologize for the times you have to be discouraging. It's for the best, you know. Of course, you should also know this is coming from someone who: (1) has no memoir plans, and (2) spent a couple of decades in the banking business. (Really, Ms. Smith, I am doing you a favor declining your million-dollar request for a loan to open a fuzzy-cheese-head-car-airfreshener-thingy business.)
 
To close, here are a few quotes for fun. I do a bit of volunteer smoothreading (sort of like proofreading but more relaxed) for Distributed Proofreaders / Project Gutenberg. The day before your presentation, I finished a smoothy on a short book titled If You Don't Write Fiction by Charles Phelps Cushing (1920). Here are a couple of my favorites—some things don't change much, huh?

A huge army of disappointed scribblers have followed that haphazard plan of battle. They would know better than to try to market crates of eggs to a shoe store, but they see nothing equally absurd in shipping a popular science article to the Atlantic Monthly or an "uplift" essay to the Smart Set. They paper their walls with rejection slips, fill up a trunk with returned manuscripts and pose before their sympathetic friends as martyrs.
 
… Which is to say that novelists and magazine fiction writers are accused of becoming more concerned about how their stories will film than about how the manuscripts will grade as pieces of literature. To get a yarn into print is still worth while because this enhances its value in the eyes of the  producers of motion pictures. But the author's real goal is "no longer good writing, so much as remunerative picture possibilities."

Many thanks to Teresa for sharing a little bit of the 1920's writing advice! (You can download the entire text from Google.)

Stay tuned for a few excerpts from Writer's Digest titles from that era. (Yes, Writer's Digest did exist in the Roaring Twenties, and much of the advice we give has remained the same!)

In case you thought librarians were softies, check out this news story from Milwaukee television. (Thanks to Melissa for the link!)

Now it's time to talk about TOW Books. This is an imprint here at F+W that launched last fall, in partnership with John Warner of McSweeney's fame.

It's an imprint focused on humor.

We've discovered that humor is quite difficult to sell.

 So we're giving books away, in their entirety, to help spark interest.

There are four titles we are now offering for free, as PDF downloads (you can also request free, physical copies):

Really, You've Done Enough: A Parents' Guide to Stop Parenting Their Adult Child Who Still Needs Their Money But Not Their Advice by Sarah Walker

Oh, the Humanity! A Gentle Guide to Social Interaction for the Feeble Young Introvert by Jason Roeder

Everything Is Wrong With You: The Modern Woman's Guide to Finding Self-Confidence Through Self-Loathing by Wendy Molyneux

So You Want to Be President? Find Out If You Have the Ego, Bankroll, and Moral Flexibility to Lead the Nation and Take on the World by John Warner

This imprint's survival depends on more people discovering these talented humorists. Won't you take a look and recommend them to a friend?

I've been featuring HOW Books rather frequently, but they need the attention; most people I know aren't aware of the wonderful books we publish under this imprint that features top illustrators, artists, and designers.

One example is The Look Book by Chris Sickels (Red Nose Studio). This book released last fall and won a major award from the Society of Illustrators. BoingBoing recently mentioned the illustrator thanks to the efforts of HOW senior editor Megan Patrick. (FYI, The Look Book is NOT a children's book.)




And here's another plug for 100 Daily Monsters by Stefan Bucher—again, fantastic art. LA Weekly recently featured Bucher and his monsters and had this to say:

What kind of guy draws a monster every day? Bucher leads a lifestyle that some might classify as monstrous. Or, at the very least, vampiric. When the rest of the city is sleeping, he is drawing, from midnight to 4 a.m. He reasons, “Drawing is a monastic activity, on a straight line from illuminating manuscripts. Drawing a monster a day every day for 100 consecutive days? It becomes a stamina question.”

Bucher’s monastery, though, is open to the world, and people complain if no monster appears on time. It’s their morning coffee or lunch break.

That's kind of a good description for many HOW titles: art that's open to the world. Buy a HOW Book, support art! (Now off soapbox.)

Quick manliness quiz!

• What are ten outdated men's fashions that still have charm?
• Are the suburbs killing your manhood?
• What are the five financial discussions to have before getting hitched?

All this and more you can find over at The Art of Manliness. At HOW Books, we are devoted fans of the site (and all things manly), so we're working with them on a book to release next year. As part of the HOW editorial team's presentation to sales and marketing, we decided it was time to showcase our inner male-ness. (Unfortunately I was in Portland at the time and could not participate.)

From left to right: Editor Melissa Hill, designer Grace Ring, managing editor Amy Schell, HOW magazine senior editor Megan Patrick, and designer Claudean Wheeler.




I'd say we're better than your average Hanz and Franz.

We've recently succeeded in sparking more Zombie Haiku interest: BoingBoing pointed to the book's trailer, which, if you haven't seen, is a cool little production!

My favorite comment on the BoingBoing posting:

Wow. Now we just need werewolves reading sonnets and I'm set!

I don't have any body art or tattoos. I don't even have my ears pierced. But the following site does inspire: a photo gallery of literary tattoos. Lots of e.e. cummings, Vonnegut, Plath, and (strangely?) Little Prince.

A few memorable ones (from, in order, Theodore Isaac Rubin, e.e. cummings, and Kerouac):

Time for lighter fare! The Guardian (UK) has a charming article on the theory that it's possible to choose books you love by first reading Page 69. (Read the article here.)

I will now test this theory on a few recent releases from HOW, TOW, and Writer's Digest.

Zombie Haiku

Falling with the group,
by the time I get to her,
all that's left is hair.

Always be careful
when you're biting teeth with teeth.
Dead teeth tend to lose.

I push with my chin,
a better biting angle,
into her shoulder.

So You Want to Be President?

Long May Iowa and New Hampshire Reign! Primary Scenario 1

Regardless of the reasons why, everything is riding on the battle for these two states. Taking heed of legendary former House Speaker Tip O'Neill's maxim that "all politics is local," the first part of this challenge will ask you to demonstrate your knowledge of Iowa and New Hampshire. Decide whether each statement applies to New Hampshire or Iowa (or one of the other choices … you get the idea).

1. My motto is "live free or die."
A. Iowa
B. New Hampshire
C. Tony Hawk
D. Other

Answer: B (Tony Hawk is a good guess, but he isn't a state.)

Fiction Writer's Workshop, 2nd Edition

Epiphany should not be confused with a trick ending. For example, if you write a st ory in which a young woman looks forward to getting together with a man, giving this the appearance of a date, and then, in the last line of the story, it turns out that the man is her dad—and that's the whole point—you are not making an epiphany. The main character knew it all along, and the writer chose to hide this information to surprise us later. Now, this may be charming, but it's cheap. The character must come upon some genuine discovery.

Another item to share: What would fonts look and act like if they were people? This video shows what happens (and sorry to say, Comic Sans saves the day). Thanks to Melissa for passing along!

There are many stages of a relationship, just as there are many stages of your novel writing and revision process. Blogger Libba Bray has written a charming piece that illustrates how you fall in and out of love with your work:

THE FIRST DRAFT
I love this book. And it loves me. I never want to be without this book. Never, ever. What? Were you saying something? I'm sorry I can't hear you because my book just said the best thing ever. Wait--just listen to this sentence. I know! Isn't my book so dreamy? I love you, book. Do you love me? Of course you do. OMG--we said that at the SAME TIME! WE ARE SO IN TUNE! This is going to be the best book ever written. Oh, whisper that again. I Pulitzer you too, honey. Sigh.

Read the full post here. Thanks to Nancy Parish at F+W for sharing it with us!

Next spring (2009), HOW Books will release a handbook on how to defend yourself from aliens. I just saw the sales materials cross my desk and wanted to share some images with you. Immediately below is the cover image.

Here are a few defensive moves you should know about, in case aliens should invade before the book releases. The first is the eye gouge, the second is the choking maneuver.











I recommend you print out a copy of this post and keep it in your wallet, should disaster strike.

In Spring 2009 (more than a year away!), Writer's Digest Books will release a new writing exercise book called Take Ten by Bonnie Neubauer. Because of the intensive design process for this book, our creative team has already started on it. Below are two favorite exercises from our designers Terri (who did the carrier pigeons) and Claudean (who did the robot family tree).

If you like these kinds of creative writing prompts, be sure to check out Bonnie's first book for us, The Write-Brain Workbook.

After reading how Thomas Nelson's CEO loves Twitter, I signed up for it. (Click here to sign up for Twitter.) I am easily found if you want to follow me there.

Last weekend the Bluegrass Festival of Books took place in Lexington, Kentucky. Our senior marketing manager Scott Francis was there, promoting his book (and other authors from F+W also attended), but unfortunately no one from the Writer's Digest editorial staff was able to go and give our usual writer's workshop. (I was there in 2005 and 2006, but attended Pennwriters this past weekend and couldn't be in two places at once.)

Through some strange mix-up, the festival thought I would be attending in 2008, and created a sign to excuse my inability to attend. F+W's publicity director, Greg Hatfield, brought it back as a gift, so I am keeping it handy for out-of-office occasions. I believe there may be many more unexpected uses for it.