The Muse is Alive, and I'm Outta Jail! Help!

"This is Dan Blather reporting."
The Muse has been seen cavorting
In Mineral Palace Park
With a child and a black-and-white lark
Bunting, a beautiful bird,
And then she's been seen
With the current Head Dean
Of the university bunch
Of teachers at lunch.
After which he was known
To have scribbled a poem
To the youngest professor,
A Miss Lila Contessor.
This new revelation
Has caused a sensation,
And the strangler as been released
From jail. But the mob is a beast.

OK,
Here is mine for today....
A challenge for sure...

Wrong Number

The phone is ringing,
I answer...
Debra Elliott
yes, speaking...
You've got to be joking
It can't be...
When?
Where?
Wait a minute...
Are you sure?
No...
You've got the wrong number...

Again

Hello?
What's up?
You gotta be kidding! Again?
What time did he get in?
Aren't you getting sick of this?
I know.
I really do understand, hon, but...
She's four...she understands more than you realize.
I know you're her mother!
Hon, you called me, remember?
I am here for you to listen anytime, but...
I know.
Yes, but...
I know.
It's your journey, sweetie, but remember
I am far older than you and even if you
don't want my advice, I am your mother
and don't want you and my sweet grandchild
to suffer needlessly.
OK.
Promise me this...
If he hits you, you and that child get out of that house.
Then call me.
I love you too, Sweet Child of Mine.

Wrong Number
Yes, what can I do for you
You want to speak to who
I’m sorry,
this must be a wrong number
oh, no don’t worry
I was only in deep slumber
but, my sleep will keep
Where are you calling from
so, it’s long distance
I have family there
if’ invited, I’ll come
sure there’s resistance
it’s family,
there’s always a scare
I like the sound of your voice too
What did you say you do?
I can’t say
I’ve never been in a long
distance relationship
but, you do sound nice
this could be the day
That I take a dip
if your as sweet
as I surmise
For now, I need to run
you have the number
give me a call someday hun. . .

©Rodney C. Walmer 4/27/08 Prompt #27 a totally made up conversation. Never happened. But,
hey, I think all men, dream about that wrong number who turns out to be well, I’ll leave that to
the imagination. :-)

Outcomes


She did what
after we told her
not to go there
Guess, she forgot
I’ll scold her
be nice if she’d listen
but she does not care
How bad is it
That’s just too much
It will come out of her allowance
otherwise, she’ll forget
she just uses that as a crutch
who has she met
no way
not in this lifetime
that’ll be the day
no child of mine
after the damage she caused
She must think
money grows on trees
if only once she paused
just the think
consequences, she just never sees
she just does what she wants
without concern for the outcome
well, after today
she will learn to think some
we know she won’t
it’ll just go in one ear
we tell her don’t
and she just does not hear. . .

©Rodney C. Walmer 4/27/08 Prompt #27 This is based on many conversations regarding the
behavior of my kid. :-)

I Hear You

Heeeeello!
Heeeeello!
Heeeeello!
Are you ready to get up?
There you are smiley girl.
Big hug!
What?
Not today. We went to Wal-mart yesterday.
Yes, you got your haircut and it looks very pretty.
Friends? You miss your friends. Maybe we’ll send them
the cute puppy note cards you bought yesterday.
Okay, here we go. Slide. Help me out here.
Now, okay, zip with the transfer board.
Let’s hurry! I’ll hug you after you get in the bathroom.
Watch your toes!
They’re you made it. Lift up, buttercup.
What a hug bug you are!
Okay, here’s your wash cloth.
You silly! You untied my belt! Are you laughing at me?
A big pile of trouble with a smile on it—that’s what you are.
Well, I see those tickle toes.
What cute little feet.
Where did you get those feet?
I heard that, you little imp.
Sometimes I’m glad I don’t know what you’re saying.
I need to get your meds.
I’ll be right back.

The Void

You really need to get-
No, really, you need to stop.
You deserve better than this.
Yes, I know you feel bad about it.

What? That's not right at all.
Don't say that about yourself.
You need to find something
that makes you happy.

This guy is bringing you down
to be saying things like that.
Hello? Are you still there?
I'm on my way.

Gracie’s End

You found her?
Oh thank goodness!
I’ll be right there!
She was hit?
We’ll go straight to the vet then.
Why would we not need to take her?
Is she not bad?

Oh God No!
No!
No!
No!
(Screams)


(In memory of my white boxer Gracie - after almost 4 years, can't tell you how much it still hurts)

Poem # 1

No means No

No comment
No comment
No comment
Are you deaf?
No comment


Poem # 2

Oh-Oh

I don't believe it!
Who woulda thought?
Aren't they both married?
Oh.

Hello
Good morning to you too
Feeding the cat
Walking the dog
Thank you
It fell from its nest
When the sun came up
No, Mom, they didn’t touch it
You’re sure
We’re staying in
You all have a good time
Yes, tomorrow we are back at it again
Life.
Sorry
Just having a Sunday
You too
Bye

The Weekend Call

We've been following your
politics down there--
I don't think you're ready
for a coloured or a woman--
a nice, strong military man
now that's what you need--
What do you mean you
don't want to talk
politics with me?
You know who's really at
the bottom of all this--
of course--it's the Arabs!
Here, let me hand you over
to Daddy and he'll tell you
all about the Arabs--
What do you mean you
don't want to talk
politics with your dad?
Yes, the weather's warm finally--
They've ruined England you know--
Here it's the Jamaican Mafia--
What's that--my roses?
Well they piled the snow so high
against the fence I thought
we'd have a terrible flood--
What do you think about
politics down there?
I don't trust a coloured man--
and that woman shouldn't,
couldn't be in charge--
What's that banging sound?
You have to go and see?
Alright darling--Gobless--
I always look forward
to your calls--
God is good--and the Devil's
not bad to his own--
Love you!

Hello?
What? Huh? Oh.
Hey, you.
Yeah, I know; it's 3:00 here too-- in the morning.
What? No! It's ok.
I'd rather hear your voice than sleep anyway.
Not much going on here. The kids are doing great.
I'm slipping out of the bedroom now so the youngest doesn't wake.
Yes, we're keeping busy. I'm gonna take them to the zoo.
They say the cutest things! Sometimes
They sound just like you.
So what's it like in Bagram?
I know. You can't really say.
That's all right. Never mind.
Anyway.
What? You've got to go now?
All right.
Remember to call back soon . . .

In a week or two . . .

When they let you . . .

I love you too.
Goodbye.



I miss you.

Don, your poem made my day. That was truly great.

Rod.

Is Anyone There?
By Bill Kirk

Hello? Hello? Anyone there?

Is this June?

Thank God I finally reached you.

June?

It’s me, Marge.

You don’t sound yourself at all today.

What’s that do-do-do beeping sound?

Whatever it is, it’s irritating as hell.

Yeah, that’s exactly the number I dialed!

What do you mean, you’re not available?

No. I don’t think I reached your number in error!

Oh, for God’s sakes.

June! It’s me.

How could I forget your number?

Hang up? What do you mean, hang up?

Dial again? Forget it!

I dialed it right the first time!

June! Don’t you recognize my voice?

What the… I don’t know anything about code A33!

I can’t believe it. There’s that do-do-do again!

June. If you don’t want to talk, just say so.

Oh, forget it!

You can call me when you’re good and ready.

Yeah, do-do-do right back at ya.

What happened last night? Well...

The phone call much too late last night was no one I hold dear
No words of blissful pleasure were given to my ear
"Is this B93?" he said, I truly don't know why...
I told him "No, your number's wrong", and bid the man "goodbye".



I might have turned down hot romance, I guess I'll never know
But I'd prefer my brand new beau to treat me to a picture show.
And if he'd like to honor me by making some request,
He'll call the Blue Lake station, because Teddy Wilson's best.



I love the sounds of gospel groups, and a’ capella choirs,
Of big band jazz and steel drum jams, this lady never tires.
I have no discs of Charlie Pride, no singles of Faith Hill
And if you leave requests with me, be warned, I never will.

Stop Talking

If that's the case
I'll just stop listening.
I'm not listening.
You're still talking.
You're still talking.
I'm not listening.
I'll be hanging up now.
I'm hanging up now.
Stop talking. Stop talking.
I'm not listening.
You're still talking.
I'm not listening.
Later, alligator.

Sunday Morning Coffee

Good morning, Sunshine.
Yeah, Caller ID, I knew it was you.
It’s 6am on a Sunday; whaddaya want already?
Breakfast? You called at 6am for breakfast?!
Laugh all you want; it’s only funny
when you’re the one making the call.
You’re the one who called; *you* figure it out.
Those are all fine with me.
No, I’m not picking; you decide.
Sounds good. What time?
You know I can be ready quicker than you.
No, I don’t need a shower; what time?
Okay; meet me there?
‘Cause you talk too much,
I dressed while you were talking,
I’m ten minutes closer,
and I need the coffee more than you do.

Just checking in

Please do what I tell you
For once, do what your told
One day you'll be just like me
Yes, some day you'll grow old

I'm just looking out for you, honey
"I want you to be safe" is why
Just listen to your Father
consider it "advice from an old guy"

Thank you darling
You're not that old too
That's why I'm calling
Just checking in on you

No, it's no that I don't trust you
You're still my baby girl
You're going to do just fine
Now go conquer the world

should read "not that I don't trust you"...darn

Away on Business

You sound tired
I'm in bed too
t-shirt and underwear
how is that sexy?
oh I see
really
hmmmmm
sounds nice
tell me again
oh my
hmmmmm

Torture

Hello?
Oh, hi.
I didn’t recognize your number.
Yes, Grandma, (sarcastic and eyes rolling) I know who you are.
I know.
I’m sorry I just couldn’t make it.
No, she didn’t call me.
Mom called on Thursday and said that it was 11:30 on Saturday.
It’s a five hour drive and Tom’s out of town.
I told her I couldn’t make it.
What?
Yes, I will.
I promise.
I know.
No, I’m not punishing you.
I’m so sorry.
It’s just people talking, I was getting a makeover
Why was Buddy crying?
I know but it didn’t say I would be there.
It said that I hoped to see you soon.
I’m so sorry.
I know you miss him.
I’m so sorry.
I will, I promise.
Not this week but maybe the next.
Yes, I give you my word.
Two days?
I know.
Sure.
That sounds fine.
Grandma, is something else going on?
Are you okay?
Did something happen at lunch?
Right.
I know you’re lonely.
Let me see how things look.
Okay.
I know you love me.
I’m not punishing you, really.
I need to see what I can arrange with Tom
I’ll give you a call next week.
Okay?
Love you
Too

Goodbye

Hello?
Yes. I've been trying to reach her all day.
What?
Oh my God!
What happened?
Where did she get the gun?
It didn't have to end this way.
Do the kids know?
What can I do?
I know, I loved her, too.
Okay...let me know.
A family plot? She'd like that.
Oh my God!
I can't believe she's dead.
Why didn't she give us a clue?
I just talked to her last night.
Yes. She acted like everything was alright.
I know.
Talk to you soon.
Goodbye.

April 27 prompt


HALF A CONVERSATION



So I was like,
Why can’t I be queen?
Why do I always have to be a drone?
And she’s like,
because I’m the queen.

Good for the whole nest?
Why should I care about the nest!
What did they ever care about me?
I break my back
hauling every day
day in and day out
and they take what I carry
I hardly ever see any of the good stuff
I bring back.

I’m sick of it.
Sick
of running up and down
of sludging through mud
of hanging out in my den
when
hers is so much better.

And
it’s dangerous!
How many scouts haven’t returned to the nest?
I lost count
Back at the beginning of the thaw.


Me dangerous??!!!
How can I be a danger to the whole nest?
There’re millions of us.
Why would they even bother?
What could they do to me?
Little me.


So what if they hear me.
Anything’s better than this.
Do you think they care
about what one ant says
to another
out of the whole lot of us?

It’s just her.
She wants to be queen
forever
There’s no way she’s going to give up that sweet seat.
No way.
She gets to have babies
gets fed
groomed.
What do we get?

Sure.
Go run back to work
You’re afraid of what I’m saying.
Can’t handle it.
Coward!
No wonder you look so old.
You eat fear everyday
Never get to do what you really want to do.

Well not me.
I don’t care if it’s dangerous.
I’m going out and make my own nest
Nobody’s going to stop me.
Goodbye!

I blamed her for the accident.
It’s a “b” not a “p”.
I bragged about you to all my friends.
The store is closed.
I’m not.
We dined on chicken.
I’m not looking, Sam.
Is it what?
No.
I dragged my doll through the dirt.
Filed
Filed
I lined the drawer.
Slammed
Smiled
Used
Okay, high frequency words
Undone
Unkind
It’s not “ed” though.
Are you Ready?
Unknown
Habitat
Animal
That’s it.

April 27, 2008
© Michelle H.
(This was hard for me ~ so I did my daughter and I practicing her spelling words. Can you tell where she told me to stop putting the words into sentences? lol)

"Attempt #9"

What do you want?

No. Really. What do you want?

Ok I’m listening.

No.

No.

No.

Listen I really don’t care if...

Yes I remember our last conversation
And I told you not to...

Yes what I said then I mean now.

No.

I really don’t feel ...

Will you please stop interrupting me?

But I don’t feel that way anymore.

No, what we had is just that we had it.
And now it’s gone.

Yes I made mistakes and I accept them.

I don’t want a second chance.
I don’t want to go through this again
And neither should you.

Yes I loved you, but that’s not…

Yes I remember the feeling, but…

Yes I know that you love me, but…

Listen!

That’s the problem you always talk and never listen.

This is not about me,
I really don’t care anymore, I just want…

As I was saying, I just want…

I just want to be left alone!

Yes, that’s exactly how I feel.
Goodbye.

The Animal Communicator to Her Cat

Tuna? Of course what honest feline
would turn down that fish?
No, peanut butter? Perhaps with lemon curd?
Currant jelly?
Ah, yes, I know, your sister the applehead
Siamese has gotten into the jalapeños again.

I am what?
Too eschatalogical?
Well, I suppose that is better than scatalogical, Beloved Puss.
That is the song of the litter-box.

Yes, lately I have begun licking
sauce from my hand
just as you do,
and you, Tiger so redolent of jasmine
blossoms,
have become much more of a
college professor
and cinnamon striped shaman.

Maria Jacketti

(I got two from this prompt. The first one is kind of my favorite. It's based on an actual incident from back in the 80s when my friend Ryan dialed a wrong number. He ended up taking the lady out. He was so smooth.) :-)


Wrong Number, Ryan Style

Hi, is Steve there.
Wrong number?
Oh, I’m sorry.
Well, you have a nice voice. Can I talk to you?
No, I’m serious. You sound really nice.
Do I sound like an ax murderer?
I don’t know what one sounds like either.
No.
I’m a Marine.
Nearly four years now.
Yeah, I’m a short-timer. What do you do?
Really? Cool.
No, I’m serious. That sounds interesting.
Yeah, it’s getting kind of late.
Can I call you again?
Great.
Sure. Maybe we could get together for coffee one day.
That’d be great.
Well, I hope you have sweet dreams.
Goodnight.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“I don’t think so.”

No.
You can’t change my mind.
I don’t think so.
Over my dead body.
Give me a break.
You ain’t got the balls to…
Yeah, right. I don’t…
If you’d stop interrupting me.
Excuse me?!?
Go ahead.
Sure, try it. I dare ya’.
Yes, I’m laughing at you. You’re so pathetic.
Yes, I said pathetic, darlin’.
P-A-T-H-E…
Oh, you do know how to spell.
If she wasn’t standing right here, I’d spell a thing
or two for you.
Sure, like you really care about her feelings.
Go to hell you moron.
*click*

Final Conversation

Hello, Baby Frog.
No, I’m fine.
Just real tired.
I’ve been so sick.
I’ve been eating cottage cheese with jello and fruit.
I’ve got plenty of water.
Theresa’s been coming over checking on me.
Those stupid doctors.
Everyone who goes in there comes out diagnosed with Diabetes.
I don’t have Diabetes.
No, I’m not getting it filled.
They pumped my stomach up with injections day and night.
They’ve had me on this high-powered antibiotic that made me sicker than when I came in.
No, they haven’t touched it.
The doctor came in and said he wanted to chop it off.
Can you believe it? He said chop it off?
And I told him there was no way in hell they were taking my foot.
I told them I wasn’t staying another minute I wanted my discharge papers and my friend was going to pick me up whether they had them ready or not.
You should have seen the look on their faces.
Of course, that asshole doctor came back in and told me that was fine but that I’d be back.
I told him, oh no I won’t!
So, Theresa’s been here wrapping my foot.
I’m getting much better.
My voice is stronger today.
Can’t you tell?
Rusty has been out of town.
I’m not in the mood for music.
No, it’s too hard for me to get up and down.
You know how low that couch is.
It’s okay, nothing good on anyway.
You don’t need to come.
I’m going to be okay, just need to rest.
I gave Theresa money so my bills are paid.
Heather, I’m going to be okay . . . but I’m really getting tired and my ear hurts.
I need to get off the phone.
No, I don’t want you to come.
Don’t worry, I’ll be okay
I Love you Baby Frog.

I lost my best friend of 20 years, Claire, August 7th, 2007. She got a sliver of glass in her toe. Due to uncontrolled diabetes, she contracted gangrene within a couple of days of the injury. The fourth day she was hospitalized . . . spent a week in the hospital . . . came home, untreated (refused amputation) and was dead within two weeks. She has been the hardest loss of my life. She is soulfully missed.
Love you, Mother Frog
Baby Frog

Hello?

Hello?
This is he.
I suppose I would.
That much?
Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
I would have to talk to my wife.
I guess so.
No.
No I don't want to give you that.
No, I won't.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Well, then we are at an impasse.
You, too.
Good bye.

Here's one just for fun (couldn't resist)...

Catch Cat As Catch Can

--That's right, Bob, Watertown's never seen the likes of this before.
--What a day! Cats, you say?
--Now, tell the folks, Bob, how on earth did these two cats get this idea?
--Amazing. Their owner was going to *eat* them?
--What about the third cat, Bob?
--I see, so this cat ran away, too, and--
--Yes! What a riot!
--So tell me, Bob, this third cat didn't take long to learn the act, now did she?
--Amazing. Folks, if you want to see these three cats in action, they're with the All Pets Circus touring the state, and they're right here in Watertown as we speak.
--Yes, Bob, a heartwarming story indeed.
--Yessir. Two vicious poets, three talented cats, and a narrow escape. It doesn't get any better than this. Back to you, Sheryl.

EKK

"What Wasn't Seen in the Killing Joke: Conversing with the Commish"

We want to welcome...
no, but yes, though maybe there
is more than one of me, how'd you like that?
Wouldn't that just be divine?

I simply meant...
of course it's only me you ninny -
but could you please stifle
your pretty little mouth for a moment?

Yes, yes, good.
Welcome to the fun-house
where you're sure to go mad
as mad as me and - what?

Did the elephant woman not
break your jutting jaw yet? Stop that incessant
'pity me! pity me!' whining and moaning,
there is only so many voices that I can

STOP THAT! Stop that right now.
No, I will not let you go,
your crying and whimpering make
my heart fill with glee and you will not

ruin that with your spite filled
god-awful rouses and empty threats.
Hold still for a moment, won't you
while I fit this on your dashing face.

...
...
...
...

Oh dearest darling Commish-y
you're in for one helluva ride -
now that I finally gagged you
we can both enjoy this attraction

with your daughter's dying form
with no distraction! Oh please
please keep on crying and I'll
continue to try and bring you down

to my own personal level of hell.

Permission

--(knock! knock! knock!)
--The mountain lion eats the two pigeons.
--The penguin says, "Keep your doors locked."
--If the third door is open, the snow leopard will enter.
--Thank you, sir.
--That's right! The *real* Watson's tied up in the back of the Hummer!
--Put down you weapons and hands in the air!
--No "buts" about it, "Sherlock", or whatever your *real* name is!
--We have ways, "Sherlock." Now, move!

Answered Prayers

So, I was listening to the radio
and they said to just ask you
for what I want, so I'm asking.
I hear the wind whispering in
the trees, is that you?
I hear the water running over
the rocks, is that you?
All right, so maybe that is you,
but what I wanted was
an answer in words.
I see the sun coming out
from behind the clouds,
I'm assuming that's your answer.
So things will get better?
I saw the sun go back behind
the clouds, does that mean
they'll get worse?
The rain is falling, so I guess
that means that things won't
be so great.
Hey, look, the flowers are unfurling.
They're really beautiful, yellow and orange
and red, beautiful tulips.
So maybe the rain wasn't so bad.
You knew that?
Why am I not surprised.

Heather...I'm so sorry for your loss...I understand...nearly eighteen years since my best friend of twenty years journeyed-on...I'm sorry for your loss...lean my shoulder in for a moment. Sincerely, Lorraine.

YOU’RE FEELING EXTRAVAGANT?

Hello?
Oh, Tax Rebate, it’s good to hear from you. How are you?
Oh, yeah, me too, fine, fine.
Oh, you know, same ol’, same ol’, teaching, getting the boy to soccer, writing a few poems.
Yeah, really? That warm? It’s nice here too—just stopped raining.
No, no, haven’t planted any flowers yet. Soon, though, if there’s a sale at the co-op.
Maybe snapdragons?
Oh, just paying bills.You know car insurance, dentist—
Oh, no, not me, the boy. Apparently his teeth are eroding in his head.
No, no, he doesn’t brush enough. If I were home more—And you? What’s up with you?
Packing? Dang, that’s good to hear.
You want to take a trip? Gosh, well, New Orleans maybe? It’s a short drive.
No, I think pretty much everything’s back up and running again. The tourist stuff, anyway.
But maybe we should just stay in town? Go to the shoestore, it’s time for new sandals. Well, and the car needs new tires. We could sleep in, get some of those bagels you like, you know, chill.
What? You’re feeling extravagant? Want to meet new people? Mingle?
Um, well, what about a party. Cook out, maybe kebabs. People will be glad to see you while you’re here, and since you’re not staying very long, well, how about next weekend?
A party it is. Call me back, we’ll work on the menu.
OK, see you soon.
Bye.
Yeah, me too. Bye.

Lorraine, thanks so much. I try to think of the positive, that her suffering on this plane has ended. Selfishly, I miss her and the light she brought to my life. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. Blessings- Heather

Heahter - I knew those were your words as soon as I started reading them. God bless, you wrote a fine poem, one your friend would be proud of.

It's the middle of the...

oh no
did they take him by ambulance?

twice?
Good thing they have those
thingies in them

I don't know
never been good at...

but he WILL know
and besides
we haven't spoken
in three years

what?

that would be
the giveaway
I would think
to go from nothing
to a hospital visit

I guess I could

no, think about it
that is not
a yes

hello?
hello?

Tell her I’m not here.

Hello! (With forced brightness)
No, I’m afraid he’s not here. (With studied nonchalance)
I’m not sure when he’ll be back. (With truth)
Right. Well I can tell him for you. (With insincerity)
I’ll be sure to tell him. (With the last scrap of politeness)
No, that was the cat. (With averted eyes)
I’ve already told you he’s not here. (With force)
I’d rather you didn’t wait for him. (With chill)
Much good may it do you! (With foreboding)

Disconnect

“I told you we would make it.”
“It was only a matter of time.”
“But why should I rely
On only your stories?”

When I was in Paris,
The operator would tell me,
“Racrochez s’il vous plait.”
I would hear your stutters
And wish for some centimes.

At the hospital, the patients lined up
To use the phone at the nurses’ station.
The worst was when the gentleman
Behind me in cracked glasses
Told to me to hurry
Because he had to call his parole officer.
I hurried to disconnect
And left you somewhat stammering.

I was caught red-handed
…No, I didn’t say anything.
I just stood there.
…yeah, it made a sticky puddle
…under my bed
It was after midnight
…No, I was so tired
I forgot to put it away
…yeah, she was mad.
No, I can’t have ice cream for a week.

April 27, 2008
© Michelle H.

Funny

Hello, can I speak with Jenny please?
Yes, I undestand that and, who is this?
That's ok, you don't have to say your name.
That's right, though I can't believe she is a fake.
Yes, but this is the number she gave me.
I see though I don't know how it could be.
I got this number from her business card.
I don't think so, I dialed the number right.
I did not. Can you tell me one more thing?

Know what, I think this is the right number
are you sure that you are not a joker?

You are funny. You are out of my league.
Ok but coming back to where we were
can you tell me please if Jenny is there?
Yes sir, I think that you are joking with me.
Fine, but can you listen to me please
today she called me from that telephone.
No, there is no way that I can be wrong.
That's enough, her money I'll have to keep.
What, since I said money now she is in?

While On Leave

Yeah I know it’s late and
I’ve had too much to drink
I just needed to hear your voice or
Maybe I just needed to be heard.
I’m not doing anything July 4th.
I don’t like loud noises
Firecrackers or fireworks
Freak me out now.
I leave in two weeks.
What’s it like? Scary.
It’s scary over there and
I don’t sleep well.
I guess I don’t sleep well here either
But at least I can have a drink—
Okay, too much to drink—
When I can’t sleep.
I have nightmares that keep me
Up and scared because their scary.
It’s scary. They’re scary. I’m scared.
I’m sorry, I just needed to tell you,
Needed to know you hear me.
I hope you’ll miss me when
I go back, when
I’m gone.

The Phone 04-27-08


It rings
I answer

Hello-
Hello-
Hello?

I hang up

It rings
I answer

Hello
Yes I can hear you

You were on your cell
I know it never comes in here

Why do you keep using it to call me?
No I’m glad you called

That sounds like fun
What time?

Line goes dead

It rings again
I answer

Hello
Yes, yes I love you too.
Bye

"Talking to God"

I can do it myself this time.
Really, thanks for asking, but no thanks.
I'll be in touch.
Well, that sucked. Didn't quite go as planned.
Could you give me some advice this time?
Maybe you could stick around for awhile.
Thanks for everything. That was awesome.
(but then, invariably)
I can do it myself this time,
but I know where to find you if I need you.

Bad Phone Calls

Hello, is this Ms. Jones?
Well, Ms. Jones,
your cat is sitting
on our fence and she
doesn't look quite well.
I'm sorry. What did you say?
Oh, you don't have a cat.
Really?
And I don't have a fence!
Click.
Hello, Mr. Hughes?
Hi. My name is Susan.
I'm doing a phone survey for school.
Uh huh, the junior high.
Do you mind if I ask you some questions?
Great. Is now a good time?
Okay, then.
First question.
Electricity usage.
Is your refrigerator always running.
It is?
Well, you'd better catch it
before it runs down the street.
Click.
Those childhood phone pranks
were just,
well,
childish,
but when I pick up the phone
and some bored kid tells me
that my cat is on his fence
I answer "but I don't have a cat"
then at the sound of the click
I stroke kitty until she purrs
and I grin.


Sorry. That's all I could come up with. Yes, I know it is terrible to make prank calls but, what can I say....it's my brother's fault! He starting it :-) Compared to what kids do today, we were angels.

In Bad Phone Calls please change my line "but when I pick up the phone" to "but when the phone rings" Thanks!

Lots of good poems as usual. Having troble getting my head round this one...


4 a.m. & Howlin’ Mad

(Ring ring)
- What?
- Yeah, this is da Moose, Holy crap Ringo,
- Its 4 in the morning!
- Know I don’t know where my sister is
- She’s seeing a goat?
- Oh! A poet. Are you sure? What kind?
- Cats, poetry and death, wow. Sounds messed up
- What mom say?
- Ravings of a lunatic, she’s not wrong…
- Can we do this tomorrow
- No, I told you, I’m sticking with the Yankees, man.
- No, it is cos you is weird
- No you can’t have my cousins number
- Yeah, I’ll tell her…
- You got a what? From Harrods?
- Oh well, we had one of those but the bottom fell out…
- Ok, you too.
(Click)
- Asshole!

Hard subject today... great poems thus far
Debra

...and just before I hit the sack...

I-A-I-N

Hallo? Yes, its Iain, with two "I"s
No, I-A-I-N, Iain,
No, its I-A… Look its India, Alpha, India, November, Iain
Yes that’s it.
No It’s pronounced ian, like Ian only Scottish.
Kemp. K-E-M… Oh you know that one?
Yes I’ll hold….

Solo Act

We met when we both played the oboe in school.
The flute, you did?
She had a friend who was great at the flute.
He came out soon after graduation.
You’re right, no doubt.
Not everyone who plays the oboe is gay either,
obviously.
I sucked at brass instruments.
Couldn’t do the buzzing.
You think using the spit valve was gross,
try sitting in the row in front of the trumpet section.
Yuck.

Elizabeth, I love IT!!

The Plan

What's up?
No.
Why?
That would be a bad idea!
No!
What the hell is wrong with you?
I will not!
What do you mean?
Oh no.
Ok, fine.
324264.
It's inside.
If you get caught, I know nothing.
Ok, let me know and be careful.
Later ... I hope.

This is based upon a real incident, although the phone conversation is fictional. It is more mysterious than interesting. The last statement makes it even more puzzling, I hope.



The Sidewalk Incident


“Hello.”

“Hi, Michael. Are you OK? You don’t usually call from work.”

“the sidewalk?”

Yes, that sounds simple enough.”

“Until what?”

“How did that happen? Where?”

“Was anyone hurt?”
“Will you get in trouble?”

“Too bad they forgot that cap.
Sometimes small things create big problems.
At least your day was not boring.
I’ll see you later.”

One’s Better Half

I have half a mind
To tell them where to go
Really? You think so?

If they had half a brain,
They’d figure it out.

Yeah. These guys and their half-baked ideas.
I know. Not NASA material.
Their two-halves together don’t make
a whole lot of sense, if you ask me.

They’ll be half-shot by then.
7:30 I’d say.
You tell me. I mean, how long
does it take to put a new barbeque together?

That’s not a half-bad idea.
OK, I’ll just go out the front door.
See you shortly.

Circle of Love

I called because you left your opal ring,
the one Mother gave you that day when you
were sad. Remember what she told us?

I never knew Aunt Julia. She died
before I was born. Do you remember
her at all? She was so beautiful.

I remember that patio, too! And the
stream at the bottom of the yard
where you taught me how to catch tadpoles.

I think Aunt Julia’s ring is telling us
to get together soon. We always wait
so long, and email just isn’t the same.

Come back in June. What do you say?
We can celebrate Mother’s birthday,
and there’s a garden tour in Milwaukee.

Yes, she always loved to garden, even
towards the end. It’s grown wild these
two years, and the roses may not have
made it through the winter. All my fault.

What do you say?


Elizabeth K. Keggi

Heather and Patti Williams, both your poems were so touching. I posted a joke of a poem and you 2 really put your hearts into it. Sorry for your losses.

Whassup

Hey, BFF,
Whassa the 4ll?
No way,
JK,
ROF LOL,
GTG Bestie,
POS.

TRANSLATION:

What’s happening?

Hey best friend forever,
What’s going on?
Are you serious?
Just Kidding,
Rolling on floor laughing out loud,
Got to go, best friend,
Parent watching/listening over my shoulder.

Lyn Sedwick

TWO FRIENDS MEET AGAIN

Barb how are you?
Great to see you again
How are the kids?
How is Clint?
I heard your back to work?
Talked to your mom last week,
I wished her happy birthday.
That's OK I have to go too,
Let's have dinner next Wednesday
Seven sound good for you?
Great see you then.

Linda- thanks for the comment. All the poems are fantastic. I'm happy anyone takes the time to read mine. Much appreciation to you and all.

Patti- Thanks for the comment. Sorry about your dog. I'm a dog lover as well and would be crushed if I lost either of mine . . . especially the way you lost yours. I can imagine how hard that must have been for you. Nice poem- Heather

Iain- Sorry I've misspelled your name every single time. Got it!! Heather

This isn't my real entry, but it was an obvious choice. I'll have to fret over my more serious entry. After all, this is the same prompt Robert Browning used for "My Last Duchess." I'm sure he had more than twenty-four hours for that one-sided conversation.

Rude

Hey, I'm headed home. What's for dinner?
Can you hear me? Can you hear me now?
I don't know why I always and forget
and call right here where I know the calls
get dropped.
Are you there? Okay, you're breaking up
Wait just a minute--I'm holding
the phone up high out the window--
if I lose you I'll call back.

Now, I have all my bars again--
Hey you son of a--
not you--this moron trying to pass me--
What were you saying? No,
I don't care what you cook,
but could you stop and
pick up my shirts at the cleaners?

I'd like a coke and curly fries--
no, not for supper, I'm just at the drive-thru--
something to--wait, wait--
How much? Just a minute. Let me see if
I can find thirty-seven cents
somewhere in this car--
Just a minute, hon--

Who ya honkin' at, numbnuts?
I'm just trying to get correct change?
Why ya got your panties in a wad?

No, not you! I'm just talking to
this guy in the car behind me.
Geeze. Some people get so
bent out of shape--

Now what was I saying?
Hello, hello?
Are you there? Are you?
Can you hear me now?
Can you--- hear--m--

Bring Home Dinner

Hello.
May I speak to Kim?
(pause)
(terrible elevator music…….)
Hi, honey
I’m on my way home
And wanted to see if I needed to
Pick anything up at the store?....
Dinner?....
I didn’t get anything out….
Frozen hard as a rock…
Sure, I’ll pick up something
What do you feel like eating?....
Well, if you want me to pick
I’d like a juicy steak….
No steak, huh?...
How about tacos?....
Heartburn….
Yeah, I forgot….
Soup and sandwich sounds good to me….
Had that for lunch?
Two days in a row?...
How about chicken?
I’ll cook…..
Great…..
We’ve got sides at home….
Dessert?....
Something chocolate?....
Chewy?.....
But, not cookies?.....
All right
And a surprise?....
Food or non-food?....
Use my imagination
Of course…..
I’ll find something
You gotta’ go?....
All right
Call me if you think of anything else
I love you, too
See you at home
‘bye

Ouch

My back, or mostly my back.
Yes, well, I was mowing the lawn
and I leaned over to pick something up.
No, but I did feel something pull.
My neck is sore more than it hurts.
Like a muscle is my guess.
120/70. That’s perfect, isn’t it?
No, not any leg cramps.
Both low and high.
I used some BenGay -
it helped at the time.
Seventy-two. I never had
any trouble before.
You’re right. Not as young
as I used to be. Time I started
taking things a little easier.
This is the main reason I came.
Now I can tell my wife that
you advised me to hire someone.
You’ve been more help than you know,
doctor.

Open Mouth Insert Foot

Hey!
Those are mine!
They're my tomatoes
Hey! I'm talking to you!
Get your hands off
my tomatoes
Hey, are you deaf?
Oh...I see
You are
...
I'm really sorry
I didn't mean to
Let me help you
with those
Oh ok
You don't want me to
I'm sorry
I'm
just gonna
go now

Conversation with a Photograph in a Frame

Hi, Grandma.
Not good.
Yes, I know.
I know.
I do, but, it just hurts to talk to her.
I do, he's very good to me.
2 months.
I will.
No, he isn't.
I'm sorry.
They can't all be perfect, Grandma, or Catholic.
I know, Grandma.
No, I don't.
I'm sorry.
I took them all out after she threw them away. She was angry when she saw you here. She still hurts a lot too.
We both miss you, Grandma.
I love you.
...and a hug around the neck.

Hi Ma!
No, it's Sara
SARA
Fine, How are you doing today?
No, not `pudding',DOING
Ma, I can hear Joan Crawford better than you. Can you turn it
down?
TURN IT DOWN
She's not seeing him anymore.
What sound? Maybe it's on your end.
Not `urine', I said YOUR END.
No Ma, I swear I am not peeing while I'm talking to you.

Daughter to Mother

Hi, Mom.
I have a confession to make.
About Grandma's plant.
The one that sprouts those pink flowers in early spring.
It's wilting.
I really meant to water it.
No, it's not dead. Yet.
I got busy is all.
Yes, I know she had that plant
for at least 20 years.
Really? She bought it after Uncle Don passed?
Oh no.
OK, OK. Hold on.
I'm pruning it now--
Wait. I just disposed of the dried stems and leaves.
Huh?
It's the kitchen sink you hear.
I'm filling up her porcelain water jug
right now so I can water it.
Yes, I'm putting plant food in the soil.
No, I'm pouring the water inside the pot after.
Please, Mom.
Stop crying.
Don't you know
that nature often
gives us second chances?

April 27 day 27

Ewe what’s that on the floor?
Someone’s gotta know
Chocolate? Chocolate from what?
B-----, did you just say it’s not from your nose bleeding?
Yea, I’m can see it’s not blood it’s brown.
Come on, really who knows where this came from?
Who?
A -----? is this your chocolate mess?
Good answer.
Did your ice cream’s nose bleed?
I thought it was funny,
Ok someone lets get it up.

Circularity

It doesn’t really matter ...
What I mean is ...
Yes, that’s true, but ...
Well, that’s your opinion.

Yes I understand ...
but I disagree with you.

It doesn’t mean I don’t get it
It just means I don’t agree.

What ever gave you that idea?

That’s absurd.
I never said that.

Fine.

I Love You Too – Now Put Mommy on the Phone

Hello?
Hi Jilly, how are you honey?
Who? Oh Geeze
Sorry Bobby – you sounded like Jilly a bit
How are you son? Is your Mom handy?
No, you don’t sound like a girl
Daddy heard you wrong
Is Mommy there?
Don’t cry Bobby
Bobby?
Bobby! Pick up the phone Bobby
Hello? Hellooo
Oh good – hi Ji-
Hi! Who’s this? This is your Daddy calling!
What? Oh hi, Chandra – I didn’t know you were over at our house
Is your mother there by any chance or maybe Jilly’s Mom?
What?
No – I don’t think I travel too much...who said I travel – never mind
Chandra – put one of my kids on the phone honey, that’s a good girl
No Chandra I don’t hang my kids on hooks in the basement – that was just a joke sweetie – sheesh – what the –
Chandra, could you be a really big girl and get –
Chandra? Chandra – hello?
Hello? Jesus H. Christ. Is there no adult there?
Oh – hello Keisha – sorry – didn’t realize you’d picked up the phone
What? Swearing? I wasn’t swearing –
Oh. That.
Well, yes. I can see how that might be offensive. I apologize for the J.C. crack. I wasn’t thinking.
Keisha, is my wife there?
What?
No, I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything offensive to Chandra
Listen, this is costing me a small fort---
Pardon me?
Well yes, I guess I have heard that one about the wages of sin and everything but right now Keisha? Could you just put my god-damned wife on the phone? Oh shit--sorry, sorry
Keisha? Keisha?

S.E.Ingraham

Listen' To A Child I Love

Wh wh wh where have you been?
I've been waiting for you.
Yes, I know the bell rang.
Do you like my headband?
Miss Seymour's
Naa, she won't mind if I'm late.
L L L L Look at this.
I've drawn the whole entire set.
Here's the mansion.
Here's the library.
No, I've got time to talk to you.
I miss you, you know.
Did you see me sing in the talent show?
Didn't you think I was wonderful?
You did?
Really?
Lynnie is finding me a new singing teacher,
God, I need a singing teacher.
"Is it written in the stars?"
I think my voice sounds best at that part.
Don't you think Mr. Wiley is cute?
I know you like him.
Hahahahahahaha
I'm going to tell your husband.
Hahahahahahahaha
Did I tell you I miss you?
Well, I mean it.
Hey, did you see my key?
Locker and gym locker.
W e l l, I have trouble remembering my combination.
So..... they gave me a key.
Sure, come on.
Miss Seymour will love it if you come to class with me.
There's candy in the drawer.
Hahahahahahaha
Maybe you could get us some.
No, I'm just joking.
Hahahahahahahahaha

Listen. It's not you
it's me.
Oh, you knew that?
Not even a bit of an argument?
Let's be..
oh. yes. friends
that was what I was about to say.
we've got so many..
Oh, ok, sure
you take that call
and get back to me
whenever.

Eye Opener

I’m always the one that gets in trouble.
But, he pushed me!
I was right in front of the goal, going to score, and he pushed me and I missed.
Everybody was laughing.
You never see what they do to me.
You always yell at me.
Yell at them.
It’s not fair.