Poetic Asides with Robert Lee Brewer - Having Fun With Bad Poetry

Brian Klems (of Writer's Digest fame) brought the following thread to my attention from the WD.com forums: http://forum.writersdigest.com/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=19564&start=1

First post:
"I have this gift you see
to write very bad poetry
Try as I might
It's something I just can't fight
So I write stuff you wouldn't read to a tree"

-wondo

Starting up in July, this thread is still going strong (with more than 500 responses to date). While other random forms have entered into the chain, the thread seems to rely mostly on limericks. So if you want to play around with a group of other writers, here's your chance.

*****

Also, Amy Barlow Liberatore proposed on my Facebook page that we all try writing "bad haiku." (She mentioned that Iain Douglas Kemp was partially responsible for inspiring her.) So if you want to start writing bad haiku, feel free to post in the comments below.

General | Personal Updates | Poetic Forms | Poetry Prompts | Poets

9/11/2008 3:24:01 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [31]

9/11/2008 3:30:51 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Here's a "bad haiku" attempt:

The older Jones says,
"Indiana's the dog's name."
Indy turns away.

(I'm guessing this would be a "bad haiku." It doesn't follow the rules of a haiku, except for the mistaken rule that English haiku should follow a 5-7-5 syllable pattern. Plus, I get to work Indiana Jones into a piece.)

Robert Brewer |robert dot brewerAT NOSPAMfwpubs dot com

9/11/2008 4:09:00 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

BAD HAIKU PROMPT

A Haiku's Haiku (for Iain)

It is graffiti
Scribbled over white paper
Japanese haiku

Ha ha. Just had to write that for laughs and giggles.
Here's another.

As I drive my car
Bugs go splat on the windshield
As their spirits fly

Okay, since writing bad stuff is so easy, one last go.

Yellow dandelions
Are not such dandy lions
They bite at my toes

Okay, that's all my bad stuff for today. Gotta' go try to write some good stuff now.

Linda

Linda |LNSHOFKEAT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

9/11/2008 5:29:01 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Take a look at this:

I enjoy reading,
Trying Pride and Prejudice,
It is a good read.

I am supposed to
Be Doing My Homework Now
But I Do Not Care.

I was concerned with
Robert not posting any-
on Poetic Asides.

Haiku. And terrible. Haha. Gotta analyse Lord of the Flies now, cya all for now.

Miguel de Matos |miguel dot wisegod dot matosAT NOSPAMhotmail dot com

9/11/2008 6:35:58 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

I have been trying to get my haiku published for awhile. I've gotten encouraging words from Michael Dylan Welch VP of the American Haiku Society. But editors keep saying "You almost have it" or "You are lacking the 'aha!' moment" or "you are trying too hard". I am about to write a nasty haiku to get out my frustrations!!

A cricket
with one leg--
silent

Terri |ttlmtAT NOSPAMaim dot com

9/11/2008 6:38:26 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Achoo!
damn I missed
the 'aha' moment

Terri |ttlmtAT NOSPAMaim dot com

9/11/2008 7:38:33 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

OMG! What have I done? I'll get back to y'all later on this one...LOL!

Iain

Iain D. Kemp |iainAT NOSPAMmovistar dot es

9/11/2008 11:01:08 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

“Tis a bad haiku”
“Gezunheit, sir, gezunheit
“Not hachoo, haiku”

Connie |CoFun77AT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

9/12/2008 7:12:13 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Pigeon on top branch
Calls to his beloved mate
sings out his high coo.

Carol carolstephen2ataimdotcom

9/12/2008 8:39:07 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

This first one isn’t that original – I’ve seen versions of it elsewhere, but I always found it amusing:

I can’t write haiku
it’s hard to squeeze much into
seventeen sylla –

This one is, I think, original:

full moon rising –
I should tell the repairman
pull up your pants!

Bruce Niedt |jackbugsAT NOSPAMcomcast dot net

9/12/2008 8:46:25 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Terri - funny haiku! I've been frustrated by American haiku mags too. At least the best ones, like Frogpond, Acorn, and Heron's Nest, are very selective. I finally found success with an Australian journal called Paper Wasp, who published four of my haiku last year. Here's their website:
http://members.optusnet.com.au/paperwasp/

Bruce Niedt |jackbugsAT NOSPAMcomcast dot net

9/12/2008 9:21:31 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

As the Romans said
The writing is on the wall
in Japanese yet

Iain

Iain D. Kemp |iainAT NOSPAMmovistar dot es

9/12/2008 11:45:55 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Funny Carol. Thanks Bruce I will give them a shot. Yes, Iain you have opened a can of proverbial worms-- Now we shall spew haiku doo-doo at you! HA HA

Terri |ttlmtAT NOSPAMaim dot com

9/12/2008 4:39:01 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

This prompt is a riot. Thank you, Iain!

Terri, the cricket haiku is just SO sad! :-( Poor little cricket!

Bruce, yours made me smile :-)

Gosh, I love this blog. Even if I don't have time to do all the prompts.

Linda

Linda |LNSHOFKEAT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

9/12/2008 7:20:27 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

hahaha... I blame Amy!

Iain

Iain D. Kemp |iainAT NOSPAMmovistar dot es

9/12/2008 10:35:47 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Sorry about the sad rip off, Carol.

Horrible Rhyming Low Coo

My vacation was
a blast. It went away too
fast. Now I feel bad.

Sheryl Kay Oder |SKoderAT NOSPAMaol dot com

9/12/2008 10:55:26 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Bruce, the work was so funny (in Australia, they call the infamous butt crack a "coin slot," which makes me laugh, too) and thanks for the website info.

Iain, you are such an inspiration! The first is, as befits the occasion, dedicated to you.

Bad Haiku #1

Iain is not a fan of
haiku, thinks it lame
yet he writes them anyway

Bad #2

Lazing in sweet summer grass
I came upon a
bullfrog who didn't know war

Bad #3
Martha Rae, where has she
gone, she of the big
mouth and hair of blazing red

Bad Last One

Rain spatters splashes against
my window pane and
now I think I have to pee

Amy Barlow Liberatore |poetmomskasAT NOSPAMrochester dot rr dot com

9/13/2008 8:53:59 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

My first husband (name was Rob)
Our honeymoon spent
Camping and hiking oooooo (crap!)

Amy Barlow Liberatore |poetmomskasAT NOSPAMrochester dot rr dot com

9/13/2008 4:16:26 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Bad Haiku Prompt

#1
Our leader Robert
Sends us to battle each week
To conquer with words

#2
(for Patti, Tonya, and Jodi)

Four friends who will meet
To celebrate with red wine
A toast to Frankie

#3 (my personal favorite because I like frogs!)
Just like the bullfrog
The prince I've been waiting for
Has probably croaked

Linda H.

Linda |LNSHOFKEAT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

9/13/2008 7:39:08 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Princess done kissed a frog
could a bin a prince
t’was a toad and she got warts

Iain

Iain D. Kemp |iainAT NOSPAMmovistar dot es

9/13/2008 7:44:20 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Iain write Haiku fo’ sure, boy
hates Jap Graff ‘n’ stuff
he just gives it like it is

ME!

Iain D. Kemp |iainAT NOSPAMmovistar dot es

9/14/2008 10:14:49 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Too funny Linda!

Here is one I actually saw published (yet I can't seem to get published!)

pig and i spring rain

gee, if that's haiku you could write one for every season

pig and i winter snow
pig and i autumn leaves
pig and i summer sun

I guess mine aren't stupid enough.

Terri |ttlmtAT NOSPAMaim dot com

9/14/2008 5:09:11 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Iain, you are too funny, especially your response to Linda's haiku. And "haikudos" to Linda. I felt the same way a few years ago. Then I found out (in bad, nearly fetid haiku, of course)...

I waited for a prince
and kissed many a toad but
True love has no warts

Love to all, and thanks, Robert, for crediting my idea!
Visit my blog: poetmomskas.blogspot.com

You will see that I am improving, thanks to all of you. Peace.

Amy Barlow Liberatore |poetmomskasAT NOSPAMrochester dot rr dot com

9/15/2008 10:16:27 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

My offering - spoken with a Scots accent, or it doesn't work.

It stands in a field
Midst nettles and hot cowpats
Loud I shout "Hi, coo!"

Melanie Kerr |meljkerrAT NOSPAMhotmail dot com

9/15/2008 12:09:33 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Melanie, I presume it was a "Highland coo".... d:-)

Bruce Niedt |jackbugsAT NOSPAMcomcast dot net

9/15/2008 4:48:06 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Oh, Amy, don't worry. I HAVE found my prince. Been married to him 15 years how. That haiku was fictious.

Terri, you are right. That haiku screams suckling pig. by the way, I have been noticing your poems lately. There have been quite a few that I liked.

No more bad haikus for me this prompt. Just gonna' sit back and laugh now.

Linda H.

Linda |LNSHOFKEAT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

9/16/2008 4:35:37 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

That should say ficticious or fiction above and NOT fictious!!!!

Linda

Linda |LNSHOFKEAT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

9/16/2008 5:48:39 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

LOL, funny Melanie. Groan, Bruce that was so BAAADDD-ha, ha. Thanks Linda!

This prompt has been a lot of fun!

Terri |ttlmtAT NOSPAMaim dot com

9/17/2008 9:29:00 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

I agree, Terri, this has been a fun exercise to see the depths of mediocrity we are truly able to achieve! I'm glad I could get this off my "to do" list. And thanks, Iain, for your inspiration!

Bruce, Terri, Connie, too funny.

Linda, glad you found your prince! (So did I, only he's a pastor with leanings toward Court Jester, LOL)

Love to all - Amy

Amy Barlow Liberatore |poetmomskasAT NOSPAMrochester dot rr dot com

9/18/2008 10:12:25 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Haiku! Gesundheit
That's about as funny as
Stubbing your big toe

No need for applause, just send cash.

Dennis in Brooksville

Dennis P |dennisfpAT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

9/21/2008 10:48:36 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

"Can't we all just get
along", said sad Rodney King
cops couldn't care less

Paul G |paulpolarAT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

9/23/2008 9:12:03 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Good one Dennis.

Linda |LNSHOFKEAT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

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