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Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Choose Your Own Commenting Adventure
When I was a wee lad of middle school angst years, I enjoyed those
Choose Your Own Adventure books, mostly because I felt like I had
control of the pending situation, even if I could never figure out to
keep from shaking the branch to retrieve Carlos's backpack whilst the
Abominable Snowman lurked around.
With that said and because it is the week before the Day of Labor,
which means this blog will be labor intensive, I am trying something
new here, giving you a taste of a writing exercise that you may or
may not choose to do, enjoy, or utilize. I will start off a story and
then pass it along to the comment section. You can continue the story
in the comments (writing up to 4 sentences or just a single line or
whatever you want really) but always leaving the last sentence
partially done, so that someone can come in and pick up where you
left off... you'll see what I mean. Anyway, this just means that you
have to look and see what was written by the person who commented
previously. There is potential for this to be a disaster, or a
masterpiece, or whatever, but I always liked doing these things in
writing workshops, and if I like it, doesn't that mean that everyone
else has to like it as well? Anyways, this is a beta version of
something like this, so just have fun with it, be as ridiculous as
you want to be, and--if it's good-- I will copy and paste this into a
word doc, claim I wrote the whole thing and submit it to the Paris
Review.
Here we go:
"Casey didn't see her coming. He'd just arrived at the Our House for
his blind date with Melinda and was running over the check list of
things he wanted to talk about (her work, hobbies, whether or not
she enjoyed scary movies or better yet Scary Movie, and anything that
would lead back to him talking about bench pressing) when he felt
someone sneak up behind him and squeeze his sides. He turned around
and..."
Yeah, so the first person to comment start by finishing this stellar
sentence and then go on for a few, and leave it hanging for the next
person... and we'll keep going until we figure out just what got real
with Casey's blind date adventure.
I'm literally nervous (for Case). Songs of 1996 ensue.
Give me one,
reason
Tracy Chapman
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 3:25:24 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Comments [171]
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 3:47:49 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Love, love, love this idea! I read those books when I was young as well - and always looked ahead for the best ending)
... barely recognized the aged face before him. He hadn't seen her in at least ten years - or was it twelve? She had always greeted him in the same annoying manner; something that he, for some reason beyond his comprehension, had never confronted her about. In reality, he tried his best to not confront her period. Gazing back at her now, her eyes were . . .
Olivia
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 5:41:51 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
... clouded in the way that ex-girlfriends' ways clouded with anger and angst and expectation. He had only been seventeen when they went out but dang, Casey's taste was bad. She still wore the brown lipstick with the popping blue eyeshadow; older women were too dangerous. He hoped Melinda was younger.
Clouded eyes gleaming, Angie said, "How sweet of you to invite...
Gabrielle
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 7:20:00 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
my daughter out for a drink. She doesn't get out much and she's very excited about tonight."
"Melinda is your daughter?" Casey, strangely, was not horrified by this piece of information. When he'd met Melinda, he'd been annoyed by how he couldn't quite figure out who exactly she reminded him of. He was relieved to have that little mystery solved.
Melinda appeared...
Erin
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 9:34:06 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
on the landing above the stairs.
She gazed down at them, taking in their every movement. She could see something was out of place but had no idea. . .
Kim Kasch
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 11:18:04 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
that the back of her dress was tucked into her panty hose. She was not accustomed to wearing three inch heels, but her mother insisted she looked stunning. She held onto the railing as she descended the stairs, but the height of the heels was too much and she...
Stephanie Allen
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 12:16:23 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
bounced like an inflatable beachball all the way down. Several elderly men at the bottom of the stairs were knocked down, flattened haphazardly, bowling-pin style. Melinda helped the men to their feet and let out a little squeak when one of them...
Christine
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 4:29:10 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
claimed that Melinda had stolen his three inch heels. He said he could recognize them anywhere because of the word "naughty" spelled out in rhinestones along the toe. He clutched one of her her feet and tried to pull it off so Melinda started whacking him with her purse. Amidst the brawling Casey raised an eyebrow at Melinda's mother, took her hand in his and said, "You know Lucille this reminds me of the time..."
Genevieve
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 4:48:25 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
your shoe got caught in the sideway grate in New York on New Year’s Eve and we had to call…
Pat
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 1:38:16 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
out for help, but no one came and--"
"You left me there, right on the street, stuck in a grate," Lucille said. Casey shrugged. "I wanted to see the ball drop. Plus I'd had two Midori Sours. And honestly, you could've just taken the shoe off." He turns around and sees that Melinda has removed herself from the brawl and began walking towards them. Case started to talk, but Lucille cut him off, "Melinda, darling! What a coincidence." Melinda stopped and stared at her mother. "Mom, wtf? This is, like, not a bar for old people. Have you been signing onto my Facebook account?" Lucille laughed and...
(Side Commentary-- You guys are doing great)
Kevin Alexander
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 2:14:05 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
suudenly she took a closer look at her daughter. This grotesque apparition before her wasn't Melinda. The pale child started to quiver and heavy makeup ran down her cheeks like molten lava.
Lucille screamed in fear and cried....
Jude Garwood
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 3:21:28 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"No! Not MOLTEN lava!" She exploded for no reason and...
Genevieve
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 3:54:00 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
brandished a shiny new iPhone. "Sorry, honey, couldn't resist. You were right - these things are addictive! I just took a peek at your page, but now I have my own Myspace, Facebook, a Blogspot blog, podcast, iTunes account - and did you know you could order designer tennis shoes from Sweden?!"
Melinda rolled her eyes and looked, pleadingly at Casey. "OMG, can we please just..."
Tom
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 3:55:25 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(side note: Wow, when it takes a few minutes to finish one of these things up, and then two people get ahead of you in posting it gets...a little weird.)
Tom
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 4:07:12 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
WTF? I took the time to participate, only to discover my contribution isn't part of the story. Are they being screened somehow?
That sucks. If they are, tell us before we waste our time (that's 15 minutes I can't get back).
Whine mode off.
Spike
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 4:43:33 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Note: the comment code expires after a few minutes. If you take a long time to craft a response, it will not accept the code. It'll kind of look like it does, but if you scroll to the bottom of the screen you'll see that your comment is still there, waiting to be posted. Simply enter the new code that's been generated, and voila - comment accepted.
Tom
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 4:54:22 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...get out of here? My mom is..."
Lisa Bakewell
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 6:17:51 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...crazy. Seriously, she just got out of Belleview Mental Institution. I'm not entirely sure what she'll do next."
Casey, looking first at Melinda and then at the bedlam surrounding them, made his decision. "Um..." he said, "I..."
Angela
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 7:28:00 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"I'm outta here!Melinda, I'm sorry, didn't know Lucille is your Mom. We used to date before I've met you, but you can still...
soly
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 10:09:32 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
. . . call me later - much later." Casey spun on his heels and took off into the snowlined streets outside, nearly losing his balance and planting his face onto the icy concrete. "I'm never going on a blind date again." he said firmly to himself. No sooner did the thought pass his lips, when he glanced across the street and saw . . .
Olivia
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 10:57:39 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Ashley (or Mary-Kate) Olsen talking on (another, white!) iPhone, and handing out free (peanut butter!) Twix's. Casey ran across the street, dodging a Taxi, two guys in "Idaho? No U Da Ho" tees, and...
(Yeah, as Tom said, if you take a long time, it'll not accept your business... so just work quickly... bc, really, it's for the fun, friends... And I'm not screening anything, but--with that said--please use your PG-15 voice)
Kevin Alexander
Wednesday, August 27, 2008 11:24:14 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Long golden hair rippled behind her as she practically floated down the sidewalk. Her blue eyes darted across the street, connecting with Casey's. She raised a delicate hand and...
Christine
Thursday, August 28, 2008 12:27:30 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Side comment --- Kevin, you've created a monster here. This is incredibly too addictive. I've found myself minimizing my document files - full of blank pages that need to be filled - every hour on the hour just to check back here and find out what happened to poor Casey since the last entry. I've written about one page in the last two hours - way under par for me.
That being said . . . it sure is a lot of fun. Thanks for the great game. Keep it going, friends.)
Olivia
Olivia
Thursday, August 28, 2008 1:43:09 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
shot Casey the bird. "You never called me back you jerk."
"Angela? Is that you?" Casey asked.
"No, it's Glenda, the witch of the north."
"I was gonna call you, but I lost your number, and..."
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, August 28, 2008 4:00:17 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
munchkins stole my phone. But if you have time to talk now my date just bailed on me. Would you like to have sushi and discuss my problems with women at length?"
"I'd be delighted!" she said, stepping out of character, which really (Casey thought) was just like her.
But no matter. At date was a date and her mother was dead so there was no danger of THAT sticky business again.
He took her hand and said, "Would you like to go to...
Genevieve
Thursday, August 28, 2008 4:55:45 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...to the other side of town with me?" There are one too many women I would rather not run into again tonight, Casey thought to himself.
Casey tried to decipher the pondering look that plastered itself onto Angela's face, the sudden anger that quickly appeared and disappeared in her eyes and the tapping french-tipped finger on her lips.
She opened her mouth...
P N
Thursday, August 28, 2008 5:52:46 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
to speak but stopped. A thoughtful look crossed her face and then a simple, "Sure."
"Great," Casey breathed a sigh of releif. Taking hold of her hand he...
Greta
Thursday, August 28, 2008 12:42:06 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
her down into the subway. They hopped on the No 7 train to Flushing.
Oh no...
Pat
Thursday, August 28, 2008 1:42:30 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Angela said while digging frantically in her purse. "I seem to have misplaced my lip gloss. You can't expect me to be seen in public with NO LIPGLOSS!" Casey's eyes widened as she spoke, but not at disbelief in her announcement.
He was focused at a point just over her.....
Cathy
Thursday, August 28, 2008 1:58:56 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
shoulder. Melinda was following them.
Craziness apparently was inherited.
Alicia Gregoire
Thursday, August 28, 2008 2:16:30 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
. . . and was not only expressed in the twittering face of the psycho approaching him - it was evident that Angela had a horrible repressed childhood memory involving lip gloss. Case reached in the shallow pocket of his Levi's and then handed her a battered tube of Chapstick (vanilla mint), hoping it would calm her down. He realized just how wrong he was when she . . .
Olivia
Thursday, August 28, 2008 2:41:11 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...bit off the tip of the Chapstick and spit it on the floor. "I hate...
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 2:54:32 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
to break it to you Case, honey, but you're a little off today," and with that she tossed the cleverly disguised smoke bomb over her shoulder, popped loose a window with mighty roundhouse kick, and hauled both she and Casey out onto the roof of the speeding subway car as Melinda was left gasping for breath.
"You been drinking too man Arnold Palmers again, kid?" she yelled over the roar of the train. "That's not Melinda - it's the Black Widow in disguise!"
"Oh, golly-gosh darnit," said Casey in his best PG-rated dialogue. "I didn't realize..."
Tom
Thursday, August 28, 2008 3:04:18 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
we are going out of the city, not up town.
Pat
Thursday, August 28, 2008 3:52:34 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Realizing they now had much more time to kill on the subway, Casey resorted to small talk.
"So, Angela, what are you up to these days?"
"I'm a professional cheerleader for the Dillon Panthers."
"But isn't that the fictional high school football team from the criticially acclaimed but low-rated NBC drama Friday Night Lights?"
"No."
It was in fact the fictional high school football team from the criticially acclaimed but low-rated NBC drama Friday Night Lights. But since Casey was one of the millions of Americans who'd never given the show a chance, he didn't realize Angela was lying to him.
"That sounds..."
Erin
Thursday, August 28, 2008 4:11:01 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
. . . about right." (Since you're a stereotypical blue-eyed blonde with an amazing . . .
Olivia
Thursday, August 28, 2008 4:53:47 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...talent for constantly getting the two of us both in and out of trouble, he thought to himself.)
"That's a pretty good cover," he said, "but how are you going to use it to get closer to - "
His question was interrupted by a fusillade of automatic small arms fire from the roof of the car behind them.
"Time to get a move on, sweetheart," she said, grabbing Casey and...
Tom
Thursday, August 28, 2008 5:20:53 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...yanking him into the next car. "What happened to my nice, quiet...
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 5:34:00 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
coffee shop? I loved that place," she said looking behind them at a gang of out-of-work off-Broadway dancer gang dressed in in purple sequins.
"It's still there. They've got this new chai latte that is out of this world!" Casey said.
The Purple Sequined Gang pursued them into the next car, and...
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, August 28, 2008 6:14:03 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...disco music started playing. "What the...
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 6:36:00 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...holy heck is going on here?" cried Casey, busting into his best John Travolta and fending off Purple punches with well-timed karate kicks.
"They want me back in!" Angela shouted, avoiding her attackers with a flurry of backflips and handsprings.
"Angela - no! You - you went Purple?" he said in disbelief, as she finished off the last three of the gang with her patented Saturday Night Fever maneuver.
"Case, honey," she said with pleading eyes, "I was deep under cover at the time, learned more than I was supposed to, and now..."
Tom
Thursday, August 28, 2008 7:03:46 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...I'm back into disco. That's why I came to find you. I was hoping...
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 7:34:47 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
. . . you still knew how to do that Vulcan mind-meld maneuver you learned from Dr. Spock while traveling the galaxy on the Enterprise."
Casey raised a brow. "What?"
Angela's face was saturated in "quandarocity" as her android eyes became distant and cold.
Casey did the only thing he knew how to in such a horrifying situation - reached under his pant leg and pulled out a . . .
Olivia
Thursday, August 28, 2008 7:45:44 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
... a tazer. He raised a shaky arm...
Alicia Gregoire
Thursday, August 28, 2008 7:57:12 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...and realized that he was not holding a tazer, but had instead grabbed his red cherry licorice whip, the only candy he knew of that could become a weapon or instrument of bondage when needed. He quickly tied Angela's hands to the handrail of the subway car, and as he turned to jump off the car which was traveling at a dizzying speed, he looked over his shoulder and said, "Angela, I knew I could not trust you. Why did you...."
Joanne
Thursday, August 28, 2008 8:42:39 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
shake, shimmy and jive?" Casey flung himself from the car using the tuck-and-roll method they taught him at Cheerleading camp. He dusted his pants and began walking through the dark subway tunnels, the sound of the train echoed through the tunnel.
"Excuse me, son," a deep male voice came out of the dark.
"Who..who's there?"
The man walked to Casey and stopped when he could see his face.
Casey gasped, "Elvis? How the hell...
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, August 28, 2008 8:46:15 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
did you get here? They said you were...
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:05:30 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...working at Burger King, and..."
Tom
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:09:38 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...doing part-time work in Atlantic City. Why haven't you...
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:14:39 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...called me on my (white) iPhone lately? The Purple Sequined Gang is working with Angela again, which I only just found out after fending off their latest attack with what I have to admit are some pretty killah karate skillz that you taught me."
The King held up his hand, "Holdonnaminnit," he drawled. "The Purple Gang? The WHOLE RHYTHM SECTION?! This is..."
Tom
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:19:50 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
lunacy! I've got to...
Alicia Gregoire
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:23:46 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
. . . the best news I've heard in months. We've got a lot of work to do."
Casey didn't have a chance to react before the King grabbed his arm and . . .
Olivia
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:25:36 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Okay, "choose your own" comment)
This would be the "potential for disaster" Kevin was referring to.
Olivia
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:29:30 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(But it's fun, right?)
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:35:51 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(too much fun, actually. For explanation, see my comment from yesterday.)
Olivia
Thursday, August 28, 2008 9:50:05 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(HONESTLY, THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED ON THIS BLOG. I CREATED THE BEST KIND OF MONSTER. I AM SO PROUD. I AM CRYING TEARS OF PROUDERY.)
... and "jumped" both of them into an In N Out Burger in Pacific Beach.
"Wait," Case says, turning to the narrator. "Jumped? Like that terrible movie Jumpr or whatever? Couldn't you have come up with a more clever transistion?" Case is told to shut the hell up and not worry about it. Grimacing, he turns to the King and orders a double-double animal style and a small soft drink when...
Kevin Alexander
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:04:50 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
in walks Melinda and her mother. "Yikes!" Casey says to the King...
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:05:02 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Casey remembered he was on a diet. He flexed his muscles for the girl behind the counter.
"Oh, wow! That's one big...
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:13:02 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
problem you've got there," she said, "but you have an even bigger problem walking up behind you." "Yikes, again! says Casey and...
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:17:19 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
. . . slapped his hands together creating a fiery blue ball of energy between them.
"Where'd you learn to do that?" asked the Kind between bites of greasy beef and droopy fries.
Casey turned to him and said . . .
Olivia
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:18:19 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
watched Lucille, Melinda, Angela and the Purple Sequined Gang come through the door. They spotted Casey and the King and immediately they circled one another like in West Side Story. They began snapping their fingers and...
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:19:50 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(multi-project writing while commenting on a blog not such a good idea...meant to say "the King")
Olivia
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:21:57 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Sorry, guys. My last one was supposed to be attached to Lisa's. Olivia got hers in first. Sorry for getting out of sync.)
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:25:39 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(it'll work, if we flip them--Stephanie's first and Olivia's second--starting Olivia's with "Casey slapped his hands")
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:33:29 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"I took a metaphysical energy course at the YMCA. I still don't know how to swim, though."
The King set his burger down and watched in horror as the Purple Sequin Gang...
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:42:14 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
hustled into the burger joint. "How'd you...
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, August 28, 2008 10:47:23 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
keep from dropping sequins all over the place? When I did Aloha from Hawaii I dropped so many I nearly busted my behind on stage."
"Well, it's really quite simple," a gang member answered. "We...
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, August 28, 2008 11:30:40 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
have Trixie here glue each sequin on with super glue. She's a little obsessive compulsive and enjoys that sort of task. While the Purple Sequin Gang was distracted by the King's question, Casey pulled on a loose thread on one of their costumes and...
Christine
Friday, August 29, 2008 12:44:33 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
the whole seem unraveled but the costume never moved and the thread kept gettingn longer and longer.
"This is crazy," Casey said. "How do you launder these...
pat
Friday, August 29, 2008 3:09:49 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
magnificent pieces of wearable art?" The Purple man smiled. "We don't. They are part of our skin. Now enough of this riff-raff! We fight now!"
Casey and the King braced themselves for a gang war when...
Stephanie Allen
Friday, August 29, 2008 3:46:20 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
in walked two police officers.
"Problem here?" the officer asked.
"No problem," Casey answered. "We just....
pat
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:14:28 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...were getting ready to do a bit of performance art, and I was going to record it with my (still white) iPhone, upload it to Youtube, and then post a link to it in the comments section of the blog belonging to the Coxswain of Literary Greatness, Kevin Alexander - perhaps you've heard of him?"
The cop looked at Casey dubiously and scratched his chin. "You tryin' to tell me that you know both Elvis AND Kevin Alexander? You expect me to believe that?"
"Look, I know how it sounds," Casey said, pulling nervously at his shirt collar and trying to think fast, "but..."
Tom
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:29:50 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
my name is Casey Affleck and I'm actually very well connected. Besides knowing many well respected actors and actresses my brother and I are also personal friends of Elvis, The Big Bopper, Jimi Hendrix and the lead singer of Sublime."
The cop blinked at Casey. "Those guys are all dead....You must be dead too!"
"Undead, thank you," Casey politely corrected him. "I've been risen to fight bad dates, disco, and purple sequin suits. The undead are not fond of the color purple."
"The Color Purple is as brilliant and beautiful as Alice Walker herself!" the cop cried, and slugged Casey Affleck in the jaw.
Casey...
Genevieve
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:31:33 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Kevin, this is the best idea you've ever had, and I say that without really knowing you or whatever ideas you may have had in your life)
Genevieve
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:51:10 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
wet his pants and cried like a little girl. "Please, don't beat me! Not again! Not..."
Stephanie Allen
Friday, August 29, 2008 10:39:59 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...before I get a chance to...
Olivia
Friday, August 29, 2008 2:35:14 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(You guys are killing me here. Tom, you and Genevieve have me laughing so much, I can't even think of the next line.)
Pat
Friday, August 29, 2008 2:37:18 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
meet Kevin's hippies at the cafe in Boston. That's my life's dreama and I must do it before...
Pat
Friday, August 29, 2008 2:41:49 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I win an Oscar, for acting. Like my brother never will"...
Erin
Friday, August 29, 2008 2:50:12 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(All fun aside, in all seriousness, I have to tell you all that my critique partners and I did this with a short story. I wrote the next person into a corner, and so and so on until it got back to me again. About that time the word count was up to 1500 words. Romantic Times was running a collaborative writer contest at the time with a 1500 word limit. My critique partners told me to end the story, we edited, sent it in and placed in the top 5. Our story was a mystery called “One Wrong Turn”, not a romance. We finalled with a crazy assignment in national contest by romance writers while having fun writing each other in a corner. I can’t wait to see where this story goes.
So, Kev, find market)
Pat
Friday, August 29, 2008 2:58:31 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...although the split with J-Lo was a good step in the right direction - not that I'm jealous or anything, I'm just sayin', you know?"
"I feel you," said the cop, pausing as he drew back to adminiser another blow. "She was no good for him, no doubt about it."
The King, seizing the window of opportunity, deftly flung his three-pound peanut butter n' 'nanner projectile at the man in blue, slamming him back into the Purple Gang with a domino effect that left the entire group sprawled on the floor, catatonic.
As Case turned to him in amazement, the King smiled and said, "...
Tom
Friday, August 29, 2008 3:01:39 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...I can still shake, rattle and roll with the best of them. Ready to blow this popsicle stand?"
As Chase and the King turned to make their escape...
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, August 29, 2008 3:27:24 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
they ran into Melissa who had finally caught up to them again.
"What are you doing here?" Casey said. "Haven't you...."
Pat
Friday, August 29, 2008 3:39:56 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
once gone by the name of Melinda? Or has Genevieve forgotten? Everybody check their scripts!"
Everyone took out a manuscript out of their back pockets and flipped to this comment section.
"It says here that the hippies from Espresso Royale appear and throw iced lattes at Kevin," said Casey. "But it doesn't explain why or how they would throw lattes out of the comment section and at Kevin in real life."
"Anything is possible with coffee," Melinssa said solemnly.
Then everybody...
Genevieve
Friday, August 29, 2008 3:43:25 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(this has got to be noe of my favorite lines so far "I took a metaphysical energy course at the YMCA. I still don't know how to swim, though." That and Tom's revelation that Elvis works at Burger King)
Genevieve
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:07:12 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Everyone knows that Elvis has occasionally done stints at Burger King - it has his name right in it! He IS the Burger KING!)
Tom
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:13:24 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(My favorite line from Genevieve..."I've been risen to fight bad dates, disco, and purple sequin suits. The undead are not fond of the color purple."...funny stuff!)
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:16:06 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...decided that "Melinssa" it would be from here on out. "Now let's get back to work," yelled Casey, "We've got to...
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:25:34 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...get my sandwich," and he turned to the counter as the employee cleared his throat and said, "Your double-double is ready."
"Right on time," said the King, and he snatched the bag off the counter, ripped it open, and produced a white iPhone. Melinda (who often went by her aliases of Melissa or Melinssa), glared in outrage, and as Houndog #1 started to dial, Casey went to work perfecting his I-can't-believe-she's-using-that-old-trick eyeroll as he saw her withdraw a tube of mint vanilla Chapstick.
"Just when I thought things were starting to settle down," Case said, as Melinda/Melissa/Melinssa/The Black Widow threw the mint vanilla smoke bomb and the King's iPhone-summoned helicopter touched down in the parking lot outside.
Elvis grabbed Casey by the neck of his vintage T-shirt, and hauled him away from the growing cloud of smoke towards the waiter copter, saying, "Big Cat, we gotta..."
Tom
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:33:40 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...roll. Kevin's waiting for us at the Boston cafe. We have get to him and the hippies before...
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:42:28 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...they pickpocket him again."
"Yeah, that was a bad scene," replied Case. "But what about Melinssa?"
"You mean Melissa?" said the King, hoisting his well-padded, but still rockin' butt into the copter.
"Right - the Black Widow," said Case, easing in beside Mr. Comeback Special and donning a set of headphones.
"Oh, her," said the King. "I think I can..."
Tom
Friday, August 29, 2008 5:08:57 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...throw her off my blue suede shoes trail while we fly to Boston." Just then the helicopter pilot whipped off his uniform to reveal purple sequins. "When will this end?" screamed Casey, fumbling to find another red licorice whip to restrain the pilot. Suddenly a voice came over the helicopter radio and said...
Joanne
Friday, August 29, 2008 5:09:35 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
set up a rendevouz point at the Heartbreak Hotel. Don't worry. You'll get your chapstick back."
There was a cackle from the cockpit. Casey and The King turned around to see that the pilot was actually...
Erin
Friday, August 29, 2008 5:10:44 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Joanne....it appears we were thinking along the same lines, sort of!)
Erin
Friday, August 29, 2008 5:19:51 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...Angie! "What the....
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, August 29, 2008 6:18:35 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
fried chicken are you doing here!"
"I'm flying to Europe to buy some designer sneakers..."
Genevieve
Friday, August 29, 2008 6:50:32 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Casey sensed the chance for a hook-up. "Angie, did I ever introduce you to my friend Kevin? I think you guys would totally hit it off."
Angie's face fell. "Yeah, I have met Kevin. He's cool and all, I check out the blog whenver I'm in the mood to rediscover the songs of 1996 .....but I was actually wondering what's your brother been up to lately?"
Erin
Friday, August 29, 2008 8:27:09 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"Well, I'll tell you what," said Casey with a mischievous grin, "if you take us to Boston so we can hook up with Kevin and the hippies, I'll introduce you to my brother--maybe even get you a date."
Elvis, almost choking on his burger, said...
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, August 29, 2008 8:34:00 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"I don't know about that, BC, I think Ben's revvin' up for another Project Greenlight or something, and, you know, there's that whole Jennifer Garner thing that might throw a wrench in the works. So, really, this Kevin thing is a good deal for you, Ange. I mean, he's an astounding writer, he's been on internet radio, went undercover to report on cougar dating, and there's that really great photo of him sniffing that geranium."
Angie's face softened a bit at that. "Yeah," she said, smiling just slightly, "a girl does like a guy who likes flowers."
Case, seeing the opportunity to not only extricate himself form what had been a historically complicated, frightening, and occasionally unbelievably *hawt* relationship, as well as helping out his good buddy Kev, said, "This is perfect, 'cause we're heading to the Boston cafe to rescue the man himself from dangerous pickpocketing hippies as we speak, and Kev is also a HUGE fan of designer sneakers - "
Angie cut him off, "He is?"
Case smiled a wiley grin, "Oh, why yes, he is! So why don't we..."
Tom
Friday, August 29, 2008 9:00:37 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
sing an acappella rendition of the Spice Girls's song 'If you wanna be my lover.' After which...
Stephanie Allen
Friday, August 29, 2008 9:02:22 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
get the "heli" outta here and go find Kev? By the way, what's with the purple get up, and what happened to the crew we were escaping from?"
"Oh them," Angie replied...
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, August 29, 2008 9:03:28 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Sorry Stephanie. You were first)
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, August 29, 2008 9:50:27 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(picking up from Stephanie)
...we can run through a field of poppies in our pink shorts with the word "LUCKY" embroidered across the backside while sipping strawberry milkshakes and getting a massive (yet thrilling) brainfreeze. Then it's back to business at the...
Olivia
Friday, August 29, 2008 9:51:21 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(No big whoop...oh yeah...I said 'whoop')
Stephanie Allen
Friday, August 29, 2008 10:27:25 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
chop shop where we'll Pimp My Ride and do Jello-shots. Hey, does this outfit make my butt look big?" Angela asked as she...
Stephanie Allen
Friday, August 29, 2008 11:11:43 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
did a semi-somersault in the back of the copter.
"No, your butt looks tight," Casey said, remembering why he had thought Angela was smokin' to begin with. Tearing his eyes from her bottom, Casey changed into a black leather...
Christine
Friday, August 29, 2008 11:19:58 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
thong with a rhinestone heart on the crotch. "Does this make my butt look big?" Casey asked as he...
Stephanie Allen
Friday, August 29, 2008 11:34:23 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(My family and I are evacuating. Hurricane Gustav is supposed to sweep over my house in a few days and we're really worried. And yet, this s*** is still making me laugh out loud. I love you guys!)
Genevieve
Friday, August 29, 2008 11:40:40 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...grabbed his portable air compressor and began to inflate the..."
Tom
Friday, August 29, 2008 11:47:36 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Good luck Genevieve. Hope everything is OK. I'll be thinking about you and your family. And, I agree, this IS funny stuff!)
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, August 29, 2008 11:59:00 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...beachball in the corner - followed by a liferaft, two blondes in the cockpit, a monkey on the wing, and Angela's bigger than life collagen lips, which caused her to...
Olivia
Saturday, August 30, 2008 12:03:14 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Be safe Genevieve)
pat
Saturday, August 30, 2008 12:30:09 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
pull the pin inside her cheek, and tuck Casey and the King under each of her arms. Her lips detached from her body, turning into a flotation device that closely resembled the Twizzlers lips from the late, great commercials of the 80s.
"Twizzlers makes mouth happy!" Casey cried as he...
Erin
Saturday, August 30, 2008 12:44:01 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...started snapping his fingers in disjointed rhythm and tap dancing to the sound of the music heard only in his head. The King pulled out his portable fold-up acoustic guitar from his pocket and...
Olivia
Saturday, August 30, 2008 1:40:14 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
they straddled those inflatable lips as they smacked down into the roiling ocean below the copter. Using his guitar as a paddle, the King steered the three of them toward the shore. Casey hopped off the lips first, oddly reminded of the first time he and Angela...
Christine
Saturday, August 30, 2008 1:46:19 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
shopped for a vacuum. The smell of ammonia filled his nostrils as the overly large medic snapped the cap off of the epi-pen and...
Joe
Saturday, August 30, 2008 2:24:16 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
asked for an autogrpah. (He was a new medic, with limited understanding of what an epi-pen actually was used for).
Casey prepared to launch into his normal anti-autograph seekers tirade when...
Erin
Saturday, August 30, 2008 2:42:05 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
the King started crooning "Are You Lonesome Tonight" when a hot-air balloon carrying the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading Team landed nearby. Casey...
Stephanie Allen
Saturday, August 30, 2008 12:33:27 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...was...
(Side comment - Kevin, I'm ready to hand out awards for this thing. First one goes to you, Mr. Alexander, for having the most comments on a single blog, and the week isn't over yet. Second would have to be Stephanie for the best line ever about the YMCA. You can come up with the rest of them - I have full confidence in your abilities.)
Olivia
Saturday, August 30, 2008 3:12:11 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
distrustful. He'd always known the Dallas Cowgirls to wear blue and silver. These cowgirls were a bit too sparkly and ...
Erin
Saturday, August 30, 2008 5:38:56 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
those weren't pom-poms they were waving.
"Run!" Casey screamed.
Angela grabbed the King and followed closely behind Casey until...
Christine
Saturday, August 30, 2008 5:47:12 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...one of the sequined gang shouted, "Stop! We only wanted to do a quick musical number with you before heading to Vegas." The King stopped in his tracks. "Vegas, you say? Well, I...
Stephanie Allen
Saturday, August 30, 2008 11:01:02 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
recall a tune I did with Ms. Percy. Casey you stand it...It goes something like this...
joe
Sunday, August 31, 2008 3:37:58 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(Hey, Kevin seeing as how you are a super important individual in the literary world, perhaps you could talk to the cheeses at "The Digest" and beg to have the cover for this masterpiece...but they'd probably print a photo of Casey Afflec. This has been fun.)
Stephanie Allen
Monday, September 01, 2008 12:28:52 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...I knew this guy named Casey who went on a blind date, then some other stuff happened, and HE APPARENTLY DIED over Labor Day weekend because his writers had better things to do or got stuck in a hurricane. (I know it doesn't rhyme or even have a glimmer of musical quality)
HAPPY SEPTEMBER 1, HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GREAT HOLIDAY!
Olivia
Monday, September 01, 2008 3:38:40 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Only Casey didn't die. He just slipped away while Elvis was singing to go pitch the story of his blind date to his agent so he could...
Erin
Monday, September 01, 2008 4:51:13 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
try and nail that book deal he'd been sweating out lo these many months, plus it seemed like a springboard for a companion reality TV show series.
As Elvis crooned his immortal way into the island rock history books, Casey dialed up his agent on his (white!) iPhone.
After a few rings Casey's agent clicked on. He could hear the eyerolling in her voice.
"Casey, why are you..."
Tom
Monday, September 01, 2008 9:58:28 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
calling me at this number? I told you that my husband is a psychophrenic psycho and that we could no longer work together," his agent said.
Like he needed reminding. That nutjob had nearly killed him. Twice. But a good agent is a good agent and Julianne was the best.
"Julianne, you're the only one I can trust," Casey said. "You have to...
Christine
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 1:56:27 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...hear me out on this one. This thing's huge - I'm talking reality show potential!"
The eyerolling was almost audible this time. "Casey," she sighed, "you're not trying to script yourself into a reality show again, ARE YOU?!"
Case kicked the sand for a moment, but finally managed to say, "Uh, well, actually..."
Tom
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 3:40:09 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"I was thinking we could start out and build some hype...you know, do a few shows, get people talking...Letterman, the Ellen DeGeneres show, people listen to her, and I need to congratulate her on her wedding anyway, maybe even The View...If Whoopie promotes it, it'll fly! Look what she did for that Katy Perry song 'I Kissed a Girl'...Not sure I can get past that Republican chick, though, maybe we need to rethink that one. Oh, and tie in products for the reality show...purple sequined sneakers, iPhones with sequins, oh, oh, I bet Burger King would jump on the bandwagon! This could be huge, Julianne!"
Julianne sighed and said...
Joanne
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 3:47:10 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...I don't know. Are they white iPhones with sequins? If they are, maybe...
Lisa Bakewell
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 5:20:40 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Maybe what? Yes, white iPhones wiht purple sequins. You the teens and tweens will loves them. We'll make a fortune, the book will hit the NYTimes Best Seller List, Warner will go for the movie and TV rights. Let's do this. You know we...
Pat
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 3:04:44 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
make a great team, Julianne. We always have," Casey said. He pictured her nose scrunched up while she thought about what he had pitched to her.
"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of," Julianne said.
"No, this is different. Just business. I promise." Casey looked at his crossed fingers and...
Christine
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 3:46:15 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
began biting his nails.
"Are you biting your nails again?" Julianne asked him. Then screamed, "You told me you'd quit! And are you still-"
"No."
"I bet you're-"
"No!"
"Sucking your thumb?!"
Casey through his head back and cried, "Noooooooooooooo!!!!!"
Then someone tapped him on the shoulder...
(we've covered mystery, literary, adventure, song writing, horror and comedy but hadn't touched on soap opera. Oh and on a personal note my house is still intact! No electricity but the sucker is still standing. Thanks for the prayers!)
Genevieve
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 3:47:33 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
sorry- Casey "threw" his head back
Genevieve
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 5:38:12 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...and Casey turned around to see a well-dressed man holding a Walther PPK and pointing it quite obviously at Casey's chest.
"Forgive me for being abrupt," he said with a charming smile, "but I don't recall inviting you to this island, and I'm sure we've never met."
"Who are you?" asked Casey, dumbfounded.
"The name's Bond, James..."
(Yay for Genevieve's house still standing!)
Tom
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 2:06:23 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"Oh come on, Daniel Craig! Do you have to keep rubbing it in all the time. You know I auditioned for that role. If only they'd beeen open minded enough to picture James Bond with a Boston accent I..."
Erin
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 2:47:51 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...would have been a shoe-in for the job. One day they'll see it my way, Daniel, and then I'll have the last...
(Genevieve, I'm so glad you didn't lose your home.)
Lisa Bakewell
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 3:46:50 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...white iPhone with sequins EVARRRR! Hah-hahahahah!"
Daniel cocked his head and looked at Casey. "Um...you feeling okay?"
Case shook his head and looked slightly sheepish. "Sorry. Been under a bit of stress lately."
"I know what you mean. You know what's good for that? An iced chai latte from the coffee shop where that guy Kevin Alexander hangs out."
"Oh, crap!" Casey said, throwing up his hands. "I totally forgot..."
Tom
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 7:07:23 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
we were heading back to Beantown! Hey Daniel, could I borrow that sweet Aston Martin you drove in Casino Royale? It still has the defibrilator in the glove box, right? In case the King here has any trouble..."
Erin
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 7:44:05 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...getting the copter back in the air?"
"No. No, you may not. It's an Aston, not a minivan."
"Right. Sorry. Hey, since you have all that sweet spy stuff, you wouldn't happen to have one of those digital recorders like WD editor Maria Schneider has would you? I want to record this song the King is working on over there," and he pointed to His Rockin' Excellency who was just getting into the groove.
Daniel turned to him and said...
Tom
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 10:23:35 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"You're kiddin', right? You and the King are so off-track right now. Forget the song and get goin' to Beantown. Kevin needs you. It may even be too late."
"Nah, don't say that, Daniel," Case whined, "we'll get to him on time. I just know it."
Just then, Casey heard a big...
Lisa Bakewell
Thursday, September 04, 2008 2:55:02 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
belch. Daniel reached sheepishly into the pocket of his well-tailored jacket and extracted a Tums.
"Pardon me," he said. "On my last mission, I was forcefully fed an over-carbonated beverage as a means of torture. My enemies know what a sensitive stomach I have. I'm powerless against that particular form of torture."
Casey really wished that...
Christine
Thursday, September 04, 2008 3:52:04 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...he hadn't received any of that information. It kind of took the shine off the legend a little. However, it was a good thing...
Tom
Thursday, September 04, 2008 7:01:52 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Labor Day weekend was now over. Maybe now Kevin would post a new blog that would distract all these people from writing him into these increasingly ridiculous situations.
Erin
Thursday, September 04, 2008 9:18:08 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Given that such was not the situation at the immediate moment, however, Casey knew that action was required, and so he bid Daniel and his indigestion a good day, hung up with Julianne (as that seemed to be getting him nowhere except possibly one step closer to couples therapy) and sprinted back to the rock and roll moment that was taking place near the helicopter.
As Casey approached, he gave the King a knowing nod, which sent Mr. TCB into action in boarding the whirlybird as Casey stunned the Purple Gang with a small explosive shaped like a cigarette lighter which he'd lifted off of Daniel whereupon he was then able to hop aboard with the King, give coordinates for a secret rendezvous at a small bay approximately 37 1/2 miles from their current locale where they were able to switch to a supersonic two-person jet with vertical liftoff capabilities that allowed them to not only reach Beantown in a recored 91 minutes, but also was perfect for getting them in under local radar and dropping the disparate duo right in the street in front of Kevin's favorite coffe shop where the Coxswain of Literary Greatness himself watched in mild disbelief as both Case and King strode toward the caffeine joint, and as they stepped inside, and the little bell above the door announced their entrance, KA closed his laptop on his very important Facebook directives, stood up, and said...
(I stayed within the rules: only two sentences!)
Tom
Thursday, September 04, 2008 9:58:50 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"Which one of you wants to carry this?" Kevin held out his laptop and wiggled it around.
Casey looked at the King and the King looked at Casey.
"C'mon, one of you hold it. I shouldn't be seen with IT," Kevin said, opening his eyes really wide as if to send a secret message to Casey and the King.
"Why can't you carry your own laptop?" the King said.
"Yeah," Casey said.
"Because it's not really my laptop, morons! I'm trying to quietly tell you that...
Christine
Thursday, September 04, 2008 11:05:20 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I have to go to the bathroom and I can't hold the laptop while navigating the urinal." Kevin began doing the tee-tee dance. "PLEASE?" He whined.
"Fine! Give me the darn thing," Casey said snatching the computer.
Kevin scatted off to the men's room. Curiosity got the better of Casey, and he turned Kevin's computer on.
"Woaw, there, son." The King said. "Whatcha doin'?"
"I'm going to find out if Kevin is really..."
Stephanie Allen
Thursday, September 04, 2008 11:21:31 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...still in existence, or if this is just his clone trying to take over the world through the age-old "Choose Your Own Commenting Adventure" blog gimmick. The last guy who tried it got nearly 150 comments posted in less than two weeks. If Kevin hits the 150 mark, then it's not really Kevin at all. He would never do that to his fellow writers - taking the whole week off instead of just a holiday weekend and leaving us to continue this crazy story he started while he just sits back and steals all our fabulous ideas, like we're some kind of subordinate guinea pigs or lab rats to be tested on, oblivious to the workings of his evil mind."
The King got all shook up and said ....
Olivia
Friday, September 05, 2008 2:20:46 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(I wonder if Kevin is still crying his tears of PROUDERY.)
Stephanie Allen
Friday, September 05, 2008 4:45:55 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"...let's rock! Everybody, let's rock! Everybody in the..."
Tom
Friday, September 05, 2008 2:27:07 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...'ol cell, I mean coffee shop..."
"KING!" snapped Casey, "Snap out of it. We have to find the hippies to see what they're really after. Is it Kevin's..."
Lisa Bakewell
Friday, September 05, 2008 2:32:53 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
status jeans?"
"No, I bet the clone just wants to con Kevin's dad into letting him come to SoCal," the King said.
Erin
Friday, September 05, 2008 2:34:41 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(oops! Sorry, I thought Lisa said the clone, but she said the hippies. are the hippies responsible for the clone?)
Erin
Friday, September 05, 2008 6:49:23 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(We're all responsible for the clones, Erin. I'm afraid they aren't very good at looking after themselves.)
Tom
Friday, September 05, 2008 8:02:53 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"I don't blame the clone, as Kev's dad does have a pretty sweet place, and there's a hot tub and the Arnold Palmers," Casey said.
"Hard to beat boiling water and a good beverage," agreed the King. "Maybe we can head over there after we've taken care of this whole hippie thing."
"Tru dat," said Casey, eyeing what might or might not be a clone of Kevin emerging from the bathroom, "but I guess first we ought to get the story from Kev, or the clone, or whatever he is, about these hippies, toss back a couple of lattes, and then we'll figure out if the Kev we're seeing is the real one, or his clone, and do you know how to tell a clone from a real person?"
The King adjusted his gold-rimmed shades, "Well..."
Tom
Friday, September 05, 2008 8:49:10 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I once read an article in the New England Journal of Medicine that clones often have difficulty with hand-eye coordination and are color blind. And sometimes they have zippers running up their backs. But I don't feel comfortable asking him to take his clothes off to check. Hey, son, maybe you could..."
Stephanie Allen
Saturday, September 06, 2008 1:15:47 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...toss his computer at 'im to see if he can catch it. Then ask him...
Lisa Bakewell
Saturday, September 06, 2008 1:17:03 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
(you guys--and gals--are crazy, but I love it. We're NEVER giving Kevin back his blog!!)
Lisa Bakewell
Saturday, September 06, 2008 1:57:46 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...if this vest goes with these pants because lately I've been questioning the chemical properties of polyester." The King struck a pose and curled his lip. The King held the position, but Kevin never emerged from the bathroom.
Casey looked at his partner. "You don't think he...
Stephanie Allen
Saturday, September 06, 2008 3:07:49 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
fell in again, do you? I know he's struggled with this in the past."
"If that were the case, I reckon we would've heard the splash," said the King. "Do you think the hippies...."
Erin
Saturday, September 06, 2008 3:24:22 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...attacked him mid-flow? Them hippies have no qualms with when and where they attack a fella."
"Maybe you should go in and check on him," Casey suggested.
"Wait a minute. I didn't sign up for...
Stephanie Allen
Saturday, September 06, 2008 1:07:24 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
bathroom detail," the King said.
"Well, I can't go in there," Casey said. "The last time I went into the men's room with Kevin, we got into this big argument over who had the bigger...
Christine
Saturday, September 06, 2008 6:25:28 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
frothy chai latte. I ordered to Grande Grande and he ordered the Super Grande. It was a silly arguement, especially since I was right."
The King sneered again, hiked his bell-bottoms up over his belly and...
Stephanie Allen
Monday, September 08, 2008 5:46:28 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
sauntered over to the counter to order a pumpkin spice latte. This adventure had gone on so long now that autumn had come, and pumpkin flavored beverages were once again in season. At the counter...
Erin
Monday, September 08, 2008 9:02:31 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
...the perky barrista replied "Would you like whip cream on that latte?" The King replied "Double whip, little miss, and throw in one of those crumb cakes as well." As the King took out his wallet, he felt a small hand touch his arm, and a breathy voice whispered sexily into his ear...
Joanne
Monday, September 08, 2008 9:22:13 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"Don't move. I'm here to help."
The King turned to see Casey's sister in law, Jennifer Garner, in a purple wig, black catsuit and stilletto boots.
"Help with what?" the King asked.
"The hippie situation. We've been tracking it at the CIA for months."
"I thought you only played a CIA agent on your former TV show, Alias."
"That was a cover to protect that I really am a spy."
"But you're pregnant! How can you beat up dangerous hippies in your condition?"
"It's all part of the cover. The belly is a fake. But it's a great way to sneak guns on airplanes."
Suddenly...
Erin
Tuesday, September 09, 2008 2:28:26 AM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Ben walked through the door and pretended he didn't know anyone, not even the King. Red-faced and mad as hell Casey said,
Stephanie Allen
Friday, September 12, 2008 8:12:39 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"Okay, Kevin Alexander, this has been a hell of a ride. But you promised me a blind date and I still want to meet a great date. So no more games."
So, Kevin, I have one question for you, "Are we there yet?"
Pat
Friday, September 12, 2008 10:36:25 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
"I said...are we...hey, where's Kevin? I thought he came out of the bathroom? Did anyone see where he...
Lisa Bakewell
Sunday, September 21, 2008 3:35:44 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
skatted off to? He owes me two hundred dollars for The New Kids on the Block tickest! They're doing a reunion tour and Kevin couldn't wait to get on the front row and watch Donnie dance."
Casey gathered up his manly courage and went to the bathroom door. He opened the door slowly and saw...
Stephanie Allen
Friday, October 17, 2008 10:56:02 PM (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
the water flowing over the edge of the white porcelain toilet bowl in a shimmering smooth sheet, but unfortunately, it was not just water that spread over the black and white linoleum-tiled floor.
It was no surprise to see the lace curtain flapping next to the wooden sash window that was swung wide open with wet foot prints pointing to a path of escape.
But the real surprise became evident as Casey tiptoed across the flooded floor and peered out the window. There was…
A. Wannabe Travelwriter
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