Tuesday, June 17, 2008
On Amazon and the Economics of Clicking My Mouse
I just read an article in the NYTimes titled "Small Publishers Feel  
Power of Amazon's 'Buy' Button,"
in which they talk about how Amazon--
in an effort to try and get an increasingly more favorable cut of the  
profits from publishers-- will take away the "Buy now with 1 click"  
button on many of the titles that that publisher puts online (which  
includes free shipping) unless they bend to their demands, forcing  
people to go through to the Amazon marketplace (and pay for shipping)  
to purchase the book.

The first thing I thought when I read the article was "wow, we're  
getting upset because we actually have to click the mouse at least  
three more times to purchase a book" and then I thought "well, three  
times is kind of a lot," and then I thought "especially when you cut  
your pointer finger moving an air conditioning unit." But after  
reading it over again (I'm thorough!), I realized the main point:  
Amazon is not being cool.

On one hand--and this hand is small, fragile, and needs its nails  
trimmed-- I understand Amazon's move. They are a business, and  
businesses make money, and money is what you need to buy Playstation  
3's, even if you're only using them for the Blu-Ray disc drive. Of  
course a business is going to try and gain a more favorable financial  
foothold, especially if their place in the market has increased.  
That's just Econ 101, a class I never took.

But Amazon touts itself as "Earth's most customer-centric company"  
and customers shouldn't be forced to get punished financially for  
liking titles that just happen to be published by companies who are  
not assenting to Amazon's demands. More importantly, I use the "buy  
now with 1 click" button all the time to make impulsive purchases,  
and then rationalize the purchase by telling myself that it's too  
late to take it back because it's already been shipped (free!), and I  
don't want to feel like I'm supporting someone who is being a jerk to  
people in our literary fraternity/sorority/society. So I'm (kind of)  
conflicted.

This remains just another example of the (business) man keeping me down.

But, friends, yours and my time would be wasted if I didn't have a  
solution for said situation. And I don't, which I feel bad about, but  
I think you can help. You're all smart, savvy, aesthetically pleasing  
people of various Interweb knowledge, so I figure you can provide me  
(and you) with the names of all other online book retailers that you  
use and think offer sweet deals or at least fair purchasing rights  
with moderately few clicks. You can provide these names in a section  
of the blog I have named "Comments" and then we will use that  
knowledge to better our lives. This is what economists call "very  
chill."

So let's do unto others as they'd do unto us in the Comment section  
and let the Tony Rich Project carry us home with another sweet sweet  
ditty from the year of Bob Dole. After all, he's missing you and nobody
knows it but him.

Nobody,
Knows

The Tony Rich Project



6/17/2008 8:47:42 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [19] 
 Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Best Short Story Request Hot Line
Friends, I'm back having (barely) survived the reunion. The campus  
was beautiful (espresso bar in the library!), the people looked more  
or less the same except the ones with 7 months worth of baby in their  
bellies or new haircuts, and everyone got, well, very, very drunk.  
And although I know that people on college campuses across the  
country did that and I'm not breaking new news, for some reason,  
everyone seems to do it much more intensely at trincoll.edu/debacles.

On the plus side, I didn't meet anyone who appeared to be dominating  
me via the writing world. In fact, I didn't meet anyone who else who  
was involved in writing. On the minus side, I don't think I talked to  
anyone I didn't know really well and I dry heaved after doing a  
complimentary shot of tequila. I woke up on Sunday in a cold, hung  
over sweat, embarrassed by my college-style drinking and the fact  
that I wore the same shorts three days in a row. During the ride  
home, I promised myself that I wouldn't set foot on my college campus  
again for at least five years and I think I'm officially retired from  
Mexican themed hard liquor(z). So you know, it was a win-lose

Writing wise, I have been staring at the short story that I wrote  
while traveling abroad for 100 days last year and wondering how I can  
re-work it into something magical and delicious. The problem seems to  
be that I wrote most of it longhand, some of it on the computer, and  
several parts on bar napkins that are kind blurry now. It was all  
very boheme. The solution--as most writing solutions go--is re-write.  
But it feels weird getting into a short story after working for so  
long on a novel. It's almost like trying to eat only an appetizer  
after spending several years eating six course meals. Don't get me  
wrong-- I love appetizers (sliders!)--and sometimes you only have  
time for them. But I'm having a hard time remembering how short  
stories work.

With that said, I need your help, friends. As I like to do before I  
get into anything new, I am trying to read a bunch of really solid  
short stories and I need recommendations. Any genre will fly,  
although, despite the high chance of nudity, I don't totally dig  
romance. So bring them on; your favorite short stories of all time,  
of this time, of several times ago. And maybe something about why you  
like it. Come on, friends. If you help make me smarter and more well-
read, I promise e-cards. And more award-winning poetry.

So short story it up in the comments section while the songs of 1996  
take you back to a time when you probably liked Ethan Hawke.

Sittin Up in,
My Room

Brandy



6/10/2008 8:50:11 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [30] 
 Tuesday, June 03, 2008
On the Competitive Nature of Reunions
First of all, I mine-as-well get this out of the way: I saw the Sex  
and the City
movie
and it wasn't not good. I know, I know-- I want  
very badly to say that I was forced into it, that I had no choice but  
to see it bc (Insert Pseudo Interesting Art Film here) was sold out,  
but, friends, that isn't how it went down. I kind of like Sex and the  
City. And the movie was an emotional rollercoaster (with nudity!).  
With all the women decked out in cocktail dresses, I kind of  
felt like I was witnessing a female version of the dress-up  
fascination of Lord of the Rings, but with sluttier outfits on the  
hobbits. If I was a movie analyst--and I should be--I would say that  
movie is going to make at least 3 billion dollars (Canadian).

Anyway, I'm back in the designated driver's seat of my book, whipping  
off the final version before I send it out. And when I say whipping  
off, I obviously mean occasionally writing small edits at night,  
after re-watching portions of The Real World Hollywood. But I realize  
that I need to get the book out, and I need to do it this week,  
because of a crucial event immersing this weekend social calendar: My  
fifth year college reunion.

Fifth year reunions are the 18 plus clubs of the reunion world:  
everyone is too young, looks the same, and probably got drunk  
beforehand. But they do offer a crucial look at the success rate of  
your peers. And--aside from making sure that no one else's distressed  
status jeans are more expensively nonchalant than mine-- I have just  
one question that I need to answer: Is anyone else a more successful  
writer?

In college, I was a political science major, so I wasn't dialed in to  
who was in the creative writing workshops. And, although I wrote a  
column for the paper my senior year, I didn't actually ever go into  
the Trinity Tripod newspaper office. So I don't even know who to  
ultimately try and look down upon when comparing myself.

My plan is this: buy a pair of non-prescription eye glasses (to take  
off and absentmindedly gnaw on when I am trying to make a point) and  
immediately delve into the "so what are you up to nowadays" game.  
Hopefully, after I drop my several-time thought out, faux-self  
deprecating response ("Oh me? Hmmm, not much, just writing for some  
(national!) magazines, getting a book that probably won't sell out to  
my agent, you know... typical boring writer stuff,")  then I will  
delicately prod people to reveal if anyone else works in the  
"industry." People do this naturally: "Oh really? You should talk to  
Ramsey--he's also writing," etc, etc. And then I will find that  
person, provoke a convo and hope to the Lord that my writing stuff is  
cooler than their writing stuff. Then I will play beer pong, eat  
Lucky Charms and sleep in a dorm room.

I know I shouldn't care. I know I should take this as an opportunity  
to network with the other potential writers in my beloved class. I  
know I should be happy if anyone "made it" in such a hard business,  
especially because that speaks well of my school and opens the door  
for the younger generation of writers coming in after us. And when I  
think of it rationally, I do feel that way. But I am also  
competitive. And insecure. And really, really tired. And the dirty  
truth of the matter is that I want to be the only one. I want  
everyone else to be impressed by the fact that I actually am doing  
what I said I was going to do when I left school. I want street cred.

I am not normally like this, friends. I love hearing stories about  
other people's success. You know that. But there is something about  
the pool of people you went to college with--especially at a small  
school like mine-- that brings out the lion, tiger and bear in me (Oh  
my).

So hear you me, Trinity College (CT) Class of '03: Do you have a book  
published? Are you writing for Esquire or the New Yorker or, even,  
Redbook? Have you ever called the Internet a "fad" on a radio show?  
Do you have to wear pants on a daily basis? Do you like that?

If so, and you see me at the reunion, do me a favor: Please don't  
tell me.

Reunion stories, writing trivia, and jpegs from Sex and the City will  
be provided in the Comments section. Refreshments will be served.

Till I Hear it,
 From You

Gin Blossoms



6/3/2008 11:45:14 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [13] 
 Thursday, May 29, 2008
In Case You Have Nothing To Do and The View is a Re-Run...
I will be interviewed on Helen Coronato's Novel Idea radio show from 10-11 AM Thurs morning. Possible topics include books, supremely clever puns my illustrious career and the awe-inspiring fragility of my ego.
You can tune in and find out whether or not I accidentally curse via The InterWeb here:
http://www.homegrownradionj.com/DJs/shows/novel_idea.htm

And you can watch a brand old music vid from the Chinese New Year of the Rat (96!) here:
No Diggity,
No Doubt

Blackstreet


That should hold you at least through midday.



5/29/2008 12:10:45 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [9] 
 Tuesday, May 27, 2008
A Letter To Myself
Dear Kevin,

Sup, friend!? That was a pretty nice Memorial Day weekend, wasn't it? Yes, I know you were technically "working" but, really, how much work is it to cover a sailing event on Nantucket? No, you're right; it is kind of a pain to write things down longhand, especially when it's windy. I think that's valid. Totally.

Anyway, now that you're (relatively) tan and kind of hungover energized, I thought I would take this opportunity to offer you some advice that you can utilize over the next few weeks: Finish your %$#@ book, already.

I know that there is always going to be a down period following an intense bit of writing. And yes, I know that you spent those last few weeks of your MFA life drowning in a seemingly ne'er ending cycle of thesis re-writes, Robert's American Gourmet Chaos Snack Mix and spur-of-the-moment sneaker purchases from stores in Sweden. But that was like over a month ago, right? And it doesn't seem like you have THAT much to do to finish. Start the book with a fresh chapter. Make the narrator do more rather than just narrate. Delete chapters 3 and 4. Get something romantic going in the middle with that girl who started out as peripheral character until everyone seemed to dig her. If the movie Romancing The Stone taught me anything, it's that people love romance! And hard-to-get stones, apparently. But now I've lost my train of thought. Where was I? Oh yes: just start writing again.

There are a million excuses for you to put this off, some of them even valid. But I'll tell you a little story, Kevin. Writing a book is like training for a marathon. What's that? No, no, I've never run a marathon. Bad lower back. I don't see why that matters. The point is this: it's very hard to begin. You think, "Oh God, how could anyone ever run 26 miles? I can't even name things that are 26 miles away, let alone run that far. Plus I have this bad lower back from playing soccer in college." But then you say, "You know what? Maybe today I'll run a two miles. Just two miles." And then you run it and it wasn't so bad, so you begin to do a little more and a little more, until all of a sudden you're running 13 miles a day and not even blinking.

The same thing happens with writing a book. You say, "Oh ew. How can anyone even come up with an idea that takes place over 300 pages? I don't even want to read 300 pages. And I'm a professional writer. I'm going to pout then get an Apple-Mango smoothie."
But then you start to write a few pages or a morsel of an idea, and next thing you know, you're doing five pages a day, and then you have something that kind of looks like a book, assuming you would just get rid of chapters 3 and 4.

The key, though, is to see it through. The more time you spend away, the less easy it is to return to the point where you feel comfortable. Like running. Take a month off, then try and run 13 miles. Guaranteed stress fracture. Lose-lose.

So Kev, please. Just finish the book. Finish it. Finish. It. Then I promise I'll stop waking you up in the middle of the night and making you feel guilty. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to watch Lost online. I would invite you to join me, but I think you have something to do.

Most Lovingly,

Kev

PS- Here's the video California Love from the magical year of 1996 (new time period!). Tupac and Dr. Dre know how to keep it rocking, probably bc they're in the Sunshine state where the bomb ass hymns be.



5/27/2008 4:57:22 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [13] 
 Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The (Almost) Summer Reading List
I know, friends that it's not yet summer. Trust me, I know. Boston  
has apparently decided that Mother Nature's iPod is going to play the  
Make it Rain (remix) over and over, and it is forcing me to stay  
inside, which is making me cranky and nearly translucent. And while  
I've been sitting here in my room amongst my boxes of (limited  
edition!) sneakers and Island Spa scented Yankee Candles, I've been  
staring at all of the books that I'd been meaning to read whilst  
slaving away on my thesis. And I've decided that it is time that I  
got off my (well-toned!) literary duff and started reading again lest  
I forget how to properly use nouns.  So here is a list of some of the  
books that I'm going to tackle over the summer, the reasoning for  
doing so, and the song from 1988 that comes closest to characterizing  
what I think the point of the book is.

All the Sad Young Literary Men by Keith Gessen
The new new Benjamin Kunkel, Gessen is the editor/founder of n+1 lit  
mag and I'm supposed to read this book because it's by a youngish guy  
who writes about guys, but kind of in a literary way, which is what I  
always thought I was going to be when I grew up. I am also supposed  
to have strong feelings about this book one way or the other and  
express those feelings to people who ask in aggressive and  
exaggerated tones. Obviously, this book is putting a lot of pressure  
on me.
Most fitting song from 1988: Man in the Mirror by MJ

De Niro's Game by Rawi Hage
This book came to me highly recommended by my dad, someone who no  
longer reads American fiction because it is "boring" or "not by  
someone Scottish." This book isn't by a Scott either as Hage is  
Lebanese, lives in Montreal and writes about civil war torn Beirut.  
Maybe my dad didn't know. A review from some Canadian newspaper on  
the back of the book reminds someone Canadian of Hemingway. This  
appeals to me, because I like Hemingway and Canadians. A potential  
win-win.
Song from 1988: I Don't Want to Live Without You by Foreigner (more  
for the band than the song)


Only Love Can Break Your Heart by David Samuels
I am a sucker for collections of essays by journalists I dig. And I  
dig David Samuels. He's the dude who wrote the story about Britney  
Spears and the Papa Razzi for the Atlantic. He also writes for The  
New Yorker and Harpers, which makes him automatically obnoxious to  
talk to at dinner parties. Despite this potential downside, I love  
his work and celebrate collections like this, because they remind me  
that I should be a better journalist if I'd only get over my fear of  
hard work.
Song from 88: Everything Your Heart Desires by Hall and Oates

Winner of the National Book Award by Jincy Willet
Something you may not know about me: I don't like funny books. I like  
books that have humor in them, but I need a point to the story. I  
can't stand humor for humor's sake. I just get upset about it, in  
some sort of meta-outside-the-Matrix type way. This should explain  
why I have a piece of paper taped above my desk that says "Forced  
Humor= Kill Yourself." Regardless, this is allegedly a hilarious book  
with a point. I am nervous because of the hilarious title, but more  
than willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. Plus I understand  
it has a decent amount of stuff about weather, which is interesting  
to someone who has to stay inside all day thanks to Mother Nature's  
insufferable inclination to drop April Showers in May. Wow. Sorry you  
had to see that.
Song from 88: Devil Inside by INXS

The Bottom Billion by Paul Collier
This is a serious look at "why the poorest countries are failing and  
what can be done about it." It takes care of two gifting birds with  
one stone for me. One, it momentarily neutralizes my occasional bouts  
of terrible liberal guilt, which I assuage by giving away things or  
reading intellectually heavy books like this one. And two, it  
fulfills my insecure notion that I need to be educating myself  
through whatever I'm reading as if I might be tested at any moment in  
some sort of impromptu Jeopardy match. Market research tells me  
otherwise but hey! It's fun to be prepared.
Song from 88: (Not so) Perfect World by Huey Lewis and the News

And that is that. More songs will come as time passes and the weather  
thaws, but please drop your own fantastic pseudo summer booklists in  
the comments portion of the show, and try and avoid  operating heavy  
machinery while ingesting le music de 1988.

Catch Me,
(I'm Falling)

Pretty Poison



5/20/2008 9:08:10 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [15] 
 Tuesday, May 13, 2008
A Heartwarming Blog of Staggering Length: James Frey's Redemption, My Mantra, and More
Look, friends, I was going to tell you to read the book Lush Life by Richard Price. This blog entry was supposed to be dedicated to my own personal love letter to Price's work, how ever since I first read Samaritan I've been captivated by Price's mastery of dialogue, his ability to capture slang, his understanding of the gritty underbelly of city life. I was going to point you in the direction of a fantastic New Yorker article about his use of dialogue, and then make some comments about the NYC hipster culture he skews in his new book, and how I can relate to that because I know, understand and sometimes feel like I get caught up in the terrible toolness that comes with said culture, and then I was going to sign off with a song from 88 and we were all going to go about our day and do some bikram yoga. But then I read the NYTimes, and I realized that James Frey has a new book and I decided I would rather talk about that. So I deleted my Price post. That doesn't change the fact that I think you should still read Price and that New Yorker article about dialogue and anything else I might have mentioned, it just means that we are shifting topics, and I  have an issue focusing.

Anyway, I never read A Million Little Pieces. I knew lots of people who did and who loved the book with an unimaginable type of enthusiasm, people like my sister, who felt compelled to write him a note, post-reading. And maybe that partially explained why I wasn't that upset about finding out he'd fabricated and expanded on sections of the book. I fell under the camp of people who remained confused as to why he didn't just offer up some sort of disclaimer at the front, much like Dave Eggers did in A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. People, I thought, don't care about whether or not something is completely true--the imagination and the senses care more about whether something is moving, well-written, and powerful-- they just don't want to be lied to. In other words, Frey's post-story lie was much more powerful and ultimately fatal than his fictions within the book. And yeah, Oprah did her holier-than-thou Chi-town stomp on him in real time, and yeah he became a walking billboard for the death of the memoir (speaking of which, fantastic article about Augusten Burroughs and his memory in last weeks New York magazine), and yes, there were and are many reasons to never read anything else by Frey, but, still, I couldn't help but find myself enthused by the positive review in the Times.

You see, I have this theory about writing and writers. My theory goes like this: no matter who you are and where you are from and what your parents do for a living, if you can write and you know you can and you work at it every day and you know deep below the surface in that place where only the truth exists that you're not just being daft and irrational, you will get discovered. This may take weeks or it may take years or it may take decades, but my feeling is that good, solid writing rises to the top. Editors can spot  it. Agents can spot it. Other writers can spot it. And this is the beauty of the writing world. You always have to fall back on your own talent. Yes, you may get put in a prime spot by things like connections or nepotism or the lottery, but if the writing doesn't hold up, you will fall and ultimately you will fail. That--more than anything else-- is the powerful self-correcting agent in the writing world. And--despite all of my cynicism and my love of irony and all of the other knee-jerk reactive habits infused in me by my age, social standing and penchant for limited edition sneakers-- I believe in that. If I had a mantra, that would be it. Good writing rises to the top. It's not catchy, it doesn't sound good in a Nike commercial or on a lower back tattoo, but that is what I believe.

ANYWAY, the reason James Frey's positive review sparked this stream-of-conscious impromptu speech is because, ultimately, maybe his writing holds up. Maybe his writing is good enough to supersede all of the stupid personal egotastic mistakes the rest of him made. I say maybe, because I don't know. And I'm sure there will be people coming down hard on both sides; people hurt by his fabrications or people who just think he's a crappy writer or don't read this sort of stuff or people mad because he already got his time in the light and they want it too. And yes, these are all valid reasons not to read his work, but those don't matter to me as much. I don't think people should be forever buried on one mistake.

To illustrate my point, I leave you with a quote from the first scene of the pilot of my favorite creative vice of all time, The Wire. Detective McNulty is sitting on a Baltimore stoop talking to a witness who was playing dice with the victim of the homicide, a kid whose name is--awesomely--Snot Boogie. The wit is talking about how every time Snot Boogie played he would inevitably steal the money from the dice game and so McNulty asks him a question:

McNulty: I got to ask you, if every time Snot Boogie would grab the money and run away, why did you even let him in the game?
Snot Boogies Pal: What?
McNulty: If Snot Boogie always stole the money why did you let him play?
Snot Boogies Pal: Got to. This America, man.


His point being that, in America, everyone gets a second chance. And if the person doing that good writing just happens to be James Frey--sinner of sins, liar of lies, anger-er of Oprah--well..I say good for him. After all, this America, man.

Apologies for the book-length work. I hope you find pleasure in the knowledge that we are giving the music of 1988 a second chance as well.

One More,
Try

George Michael



5/13/2008 8:53:35 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [14] 
 Tuesday, May 06, 2008
On Journalizing, Radio Shows and Organic Breakfast Foodstuffs
As I've mentioned at least seven times before, I dabble in  
journalizing as a contributing editor at Boston Magazine. Unlike the  
stuff you see here, Boston Magazine is all about chronicling the  
lives of other people in Boston, which means I don't get to speak in  
the first person, which is hard for someone as talented AND modest as  
I. Anyway, I wrote a piece for the May issue of Boston Magazine which  
followed two young gentlemen whose interests lie in the pursuit of  
making time with older women. The piece was titled "On the Prowl with  
The Cougar Hunters."


Normally, when a piece I write comes out, I send my friends an email  
via one of the Internets providing a link to the story and then sit  
back and wait for them to feel guilty enough to send me a vaguely  
complimentary email about general aspects of the piece. Inevitably,  
one person--usually my mom-- calls to congratulate me, and in doing  
so accidentally offends: "Oh hon, that was great! It didn't sound  
like you at all!!!"

So you can be sure I was alarmed when--within the first 24 hours of  
the publication hitting the newstands-- I had seven requests to go on  
(FM!) radio shows, a comment war below the piece on the Mag website  
accusing me of plagiarizing a blog post that came out after the  
magazine had already gone to press, and two bowls of Frosted Mini-
Wheats mixed with some sort of organic maple granola . This is not  
something that normally happens to me. In the past four years of my  
journalism career, I had a total of  no requests for radio shows  
stemming from Boston Magazine work. No cries of plagiarism, no  
organic breakfast foods, nothing. What could have possibly turned the  
tide, I wondered. And then that night, as I lay in my Pima cotton bed  
sheets, I realized: it had to be me.

"Have you seen the movie Almost Famous?" I asked the Big Cat the next  
day, via phone, as he sat in his cube (probably) scrolling through  
thesuperficial.com. "That's like me now, without the almost part. The  
only question is how to exploit it. Do you think I should break into  
television or movies first, or do them simultaneously like Jennifer  
Garner did when she was on Alias?"

"First of all, you're even well known, let alone famous," he said.  
"You just wrote about something juicy and gossipy. And second, don't  
ever try to compare yourself to Agent Sidney Bristow. She was an  
amazing independent but ultimately conflicted woman."

Hmmm. The fact that this short-lived time in the spotlight wasn't  
about me was mildly troubling, but it did teach me several life  
lessons, which I will display for you in alphabetical order:

1. It is factually accurate to say that the general public loves  
stories about people of different ages making out in steakhouse bars.
2. Do not accidentally swear live on the radio, then swear again  
while apologizing for swearing.
3. Don't get really, really angry about a plagiarizing accusation and  
search the Internets for the anonymous person who posted the  
accusation, especially if the thing they accused you of was  
literally, physically, and socially-emotionally impossible.
4. Do embrace the fact that--no matter how many times you get  
published--it is still always awesome to get that tight, nervous,  
proud feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see something that  
you created released to the general public. Even if they're only  
reading it to hear about the tongue kissing.

May is upon us, friends, and I hope everyone is aware that--as John  
Quincy Adams said-- April showers bring May flowers. Please direct  
your opines, accusations of plagiary, Dancing With The Star guest  
appearance invites, and links to baby panda bears sneezing to the  
Commenting section located beneath your seat. In the event of a water  
landing, the songs from 1988 double as a floatation device.

Got My Mind,
Set on You

George Harrison



5/6/2008 10:03:20 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [24] 
 Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Post Thesis Insanity: In Defense of Thesis
Defending a thesis is a lot like trying out for your high school's  
theater company's production of Rent. You spend a lot of time  
worrying and practicing beforehand, but in the end, you realize your  
uncredited role as the second waitress at the Cat Scratch Club mostly  
involves just being there.

My thesis defense played out like so: I met with my advisor and  
reader in my advisor's office. They sat across from me with my thesis  
stacked up in front of them. They made eye contact several times, got  
water, grabbed pens they forgot to bring in, went back out to look  
for the reader's copy of my manuscript, realized she'd forgotten it  
at home, came back in, shifted in their seats and began talking.

My reader--who I didn't know before and has the reputation of being  
very blunt--offered me congratulations for finishing my novel. This,  
she said, was a big deal as many students turn in manuscripts that  
aren't complete. Thus ending the compliments portion of her show. She  
then told me that now it was time to re-write. And re-write again.  
And again. Saul Bellow, she pointed out, revised Herzog twenty times.
"Wow," I said, trying to break the tension I felt pouring over me. "I  
draw the line at thirteen." (deciding at the last minute to omit adding, "Zing!!!")

She paused for a second as if weighing the pro's and con's of  
eliciting a fake laugh, decided against it and then proceeded to  
skewer my novel for the next forty five minutes. My narrator--she  
points out-- isn't engaged, doesn't enter into conflict, seems  
unconcerned about whatever is going on around him, never actively  
does anything, merely observes, forgets to recycle, doesn't get up  
for older folk on the subway, eats food with the bad kind of  
cholesterol, kicks (small) dogs, doesn't know how to whistle and--
given the choice to vote or die--probably wouldn't vote.

When she finished talking, you could feel the air of enthusiasm slide  
out of me. All I could think about was the amount of work that I'd  
put into the book, and then I thought about having to do that twenty  
more times, and then I thought about applying for a job at Espresso  
Royale, and then I thought about actively working with the hippies  
and always smelling like patchouli and exotic blends of coffee, and  
then I thought about whether or not they would care if I curled up  
into a ball and assumed the fetal position for the rest of the  
defense. I was giving up. They'd sunk my (Electronic) Battleship.

But then my advisor saved the day.

Given, she did offer critiques and say that i needed to work more on  
the book, but she also gently put me back into the right state,  
unpacking the harsh mental baggage that my reader made me carry and  
putting it away in the proper drawers.

She found a character she loved, asked that the story focus more on  
the narrator's relationship with her, and figured out real ways to  
improve my book without making me think that someone should bury my  
novel in a time capsule. I was so relieved by my advisor's words that  
I almost jumped across the desk and hugged her when it was all  
finished, something her aversion to physical contact would not have  
been cool with.

So, friends, this leaves me with about a months worth of hard work  
before I do the show and tell agent style, but at the very least,  I  
am done. I survived my defense.  No more MFA. After five years of  
post grad education, two masters degrees of debatable merit, and  
several changes in my wardrobe, I can safely say I don't want to  
think about a syllabus again for at least 3-5 years.

Then I'll probably get my PhD (JK, dad!).

And now that I have fully recovered, expect mo' blogs and mo' money
interaction via the Commenting portion of the show. You complete me.

Need You,
Tonight

INXS



4/29/2008 10:03:35 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [22] 
 Tuesday, April 22, 2008
The Quick(ish) Descent to Thesis Insanity: Aftermath
Friends. I cannot describe to you the relief that I feel right now. I imagine it's somewhere between finishing a (Boston!) marathon and beating Tetris on Level 9 with the music set to Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. Here are the details: In the last two weeks, I have written 80 new pages, re-written 220 pages, drank 11 (Sugar Free) Red Bulls, 17 Hot Teas (8 Green Ginger, 4 Refresh, 4 Awake, and 1 African Red Bush), ate 16 bowls of Honey Bunches of Oats mixed with Crispix, fallen asleep on my computer 8 times, run through 3 pairs of sweatpants, and let one man wearing a suit with a bow tie borrow my cell phone to make a "local" call to Canada. My final day I worked for 19 hours straight with a break only to eat pineapple and to field a call from my mom:

"Kevin, hon, how's it going?"
"AHHHHHHH!!! MY BRAIN IS FRIED!! I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!! I'M SOOOO TIRED!!"
"....Oh. It seems like you're a little overtired, dear"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (tears)"
(Pause)
"Oookkk....well, I just wanted to say good luck. I'll let you get back to it."

But then, miraculously, it was over. I got through the edits. I re-wrote an ending that will have to be re-written again. I went to Kinko's, printed out two 300 page copies of the manuscript, hand delivered them to the homes of my thesis adviser and reader, then drove to my favorite deli and used up the rest of a gift certificate I got last year for my birthday on Robust Russet Cape Cod Potato Chips. But by far the best part of all of this was waking up in the morning on Saturday and realizing that I had NOTHING to do. No magazine deadline, no chapter to edit, no re-writes...nothing. All I had to do was play in a soccer game, get sunburned, drink (imported) beers and pass out while trying to watch Juno.

This is not over, of course. I have to defend my thesis on Thursday, which will involve at LEAST learning the names of all of my central characters, and then make sure the formatting is right, etc, etc, to turn it into the grad school office, and then i have to re-write again before releasing it into the public, but whatever. That's, like, not even hard. That's like beating Tetris on Level 6 with mute on so you can listen to your own Maxell Cassette mixtape featuring "Have You Seen Her" by MC Hammer.

Anyway, I also wanted to thank everyone for all of their support during my thesis insanity. Your comments, your links, your Youtube videos, all of it kept me from focusing but, like, in a good way. Seriously though, you all are fantastic. And to show my gratitude--as promised-- click here for your own personal e-card: http://www.someecards.com/upload/friendship/if_you_ever_disappeared_while_hiking.html

I think that says it all. In the meantime, 1988 continues its unstoppable reign.

Tell it to,
my heart

Taylor Dayne



4/22/2008 8:00:26 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [19] 
 Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The Quick(ish) Descent to Thesis Insanity: The Last (Poetry) Week
Well, friends, it all comes down to this (week). I have exactly 72(!)
hours before I have to turn in a copy of my thesis to my thesis  
advisor and readers. And since every creative ounce of my soul has  
been sucked out and dropped into my book, I have decided that the  
best thing to do for you--in lieu of an actual blog entry--is a poem.  
Poetry--as many of you know--is the long way to say I love you or I'm  
sorry or actually, I kind of made out with your cousin but it didn't  
really count because we were on a cruise ship. So here is a poem I've  
crafted for all of you entitled "A Modest Plea," which will probably  
be set for publication in the Paris Review sometime in early 2010.  
I'll return to twice a week ramblings next week.

A Modest Plea
By Kevin Alexander
Dedicated to: My Thesis.

Why, when I write
You, do you not sound better?
Are you Mad at
Me? Is it because
I called you Thinly Veiled
Pseudo-Clever
And At Some Points
Rambling?
Or Superficial, Lame and
Filled With
Grammatical Issues?
I apologize.
I didn't mean those things
I was just trying
  to be
self-deprecating
in front of that chick.
This Week
If you don't mind
it would be cool if
You got, like,
Good?
But Seriously
No Pressure


Even if I can't comment on them, your comments are keeping me half-
way sane.
1988 endures.

Got to have,
Faith


George Michael



4/15/2008 8:47:56 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [27] 
 Tuesday, April 08, 2008
The Quick(ish) Descent to Thesis Insanity: In Loco Parenthetical(s)
I keep have a recurring dream. I wake up in my bedroom to my alarm  
going off and my roommate standing in the doorway asking me why I  
haven't turned off my alarm in days. Confused, I get up and realize  
that my thesis defense started twenty minutes ago. But I can't find  
my thesis. Or my computer. Or a quality pair of (expensive!)  
distressed jeans to wear. Perhaps more alarmingly, in this dream I  
have a full beard. This happens every other day.

Friends, the Thesis Insanity is in its full anti-glory right now.  
Perhaps this is because I've put myself on a plan that calls for  
eight hour writing days, then a break to think about going to the  
gym, decline that notion and watch part of the John Adams HBO mini-
series on my couch with several sleeves of Whole Foods brand Oreo's,  
a short nap on that couch while John and Abbey Adams share moments of  
passionate sophistry and then a second session that usually lasts  
until I fall asleep on my computer with my face mashed up betwixt the  
JKL and ; keys. The ending to my book won't stop expanding; each  
scene calls for much more work than I originally imagined; much more  
detail to explain where we're at, more details in the dialogue, more  
everything. I would be more specific but the idea of expanding on  
something other than my book saddens/frightens me, much like the  
movie Harry and the Hendersons. Less to the point, I haven't watched  
anything on Netflix since February!!! Do you know how far in the past  
February is???!? Sadly, I do not.

Of course there are bright sides to my pity party Evite. I have  
increased my typed words per minute by just under infinity. For some  
reason, other publications are all of a sudden interested in me doing  
magazine work for them. And, as my dad points out, I "finally know  
what it feels like to actually live in the real world," something he  
has informed me I "need to get used to" if I expect to ever "be  
invited to SoCal again." The fact that he said this from his cell  
phone as he was on a golf course and someone in the background was  
imploring that he "hit his lob wedge" remains a source of  
considerable angst.

The truth, friends, is that I'm just tired. I know I will look back  
on this time and remember how hard I worked and how intensive and  
invested I was and that will really make me appreciate a finished  
novel all the more, but right now I just want to take my shirt off,  
wrap it around my head, turn on some intensely melancholy indie rock  
and lie in my bed until May flowers have eclipsed April showers and  
someone has paid my taxes and washed my hand towels.

That is a dream I wouldn't mind having.

As I attempt to keep it more or less real, tell me happy things in  
the Comments, friends.

Sun shines through the rain.

Eternal,
Flame

The Bangles.




4/8/2008 9:32:22 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [23] 
 Tuesday, April 01, 2008
The Quick(ish) Descent to Thesis Insanity: Manic Tuesday
I am embarrassed, friends, to report that I committed a rather large  
error a few weeks ago that I now feel (not entirely)comfortable  
sharing with the group: Noticing a recent sale on Publisher's Lunch,  
my editor asked me if I would be interested in doing a Cover Q & A  
with a high profile writer (whose will remain nameless for obvious  
and organic reasons). Naturally I said I would and got on the  
Internets, utilizing the search engine Google and many of the other  
tools a fantastic investigative journalist like myself keeps at his  
disposal. After a cursory search, I located the email address of her  
agent and publicist from her first work, and sent them (in my  
opinion!) a well crafted, polite-but-like-pretty-excited, professional  
query. Understanding the snail's pace at which the publishing world  
works, I promptly fell back into my thesis and forgot about it until  
my editor sent me a message with the subject head: ???, asking if I'd  
heard anything.

I had not, and it had been a decent amount of time and time, friends,  
is money. Write that down. Anyway, I went back to the InterWeb to  
investigate the (cold?) case and found that said author had actually  
left her old agent/publisher for new ones, meaning my gushing  
congratulatory email praising her book sale to her old scorned agent  
probably wasn't the best thing said agent woke up to that morning. I  
considered apologizing but thought I should just let the sleeping  
dog lie, even if it wasn't sleeping and was kind of bitter. Anyway,  
if there is a moral to be learned from this story, it probably  
involves counting chickens, hatching, and being more thorough in  
getting up-to-date information re: subjects you are about to contact.

As for the thesis insanity: I am now officially back on my grind  
after having taken a hiatus to jump up and all over a Boston Mag  
feature and--while my writing is rusty and my use of metaphors  
cheesy--it feels hella (shout out to Norcal!) chill to get back to  
writing about the aftermath of alleged fictional sexual assaults.

The section I'm re-writing now involves the coast of the state of  
Maine and--while I've been there almost infinity times-- I'm having  
my own personal mission impossible picturing what I'm writing about,  
and my Google image search is being both stubborn and ambivalent to  
my needs, probably due to troubles with women. I keep imagining a  
time in the not-so-far future when my thesis is done and sent off and  
the weather isn't close to zero Celsius in April, and I'm wearing my  
standard summer outfit of cut-off jean shorts and jean jacket (no  
shirt!) sipping on a cool (virgin!) Daiquiri listening to the gentle  
rhythms of Buffalo Tom. This--and several bowls of Honey Bunches of  
Oats-- are the only things propelling me through this week.

If you can't already tell, I'm a little bit manic this morning.  
Please enlighten me to your own writing needs for the week, the  
attire you might rock to a 1994 themed party, and anything else you  
feel the urge to share in the Show N Tell portion of the Comments. In  
the meantime, we're still dropping hits from 1988.

The Loco,
Motion

Kylie Minogue



4/1/2008 10:38:56 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [15] 
 Friday, March 28, 2008
The Quickest Thesis Insanity: Big Apple Weekend Edition
Friends, I am going to have to keep this short due to a ridiculous and fairly robust sprinkling of work on my plate today. The story I've been working on for Boston Mag recently doubled in size, which--while good for my sneaker addiction, clip file and ego--isn't awesome for my thesis. I have to turn around a third draft of it this weekend or risk getting flogged by my editor (Geoff--if you're reading this, I'm working on it right--ummm... wait. Why are you reading this?)

Meanwhile, on the thesis front, I am having trouble writing a crucial final speech that some would say will make or break the book. No pressure right? Luckily I NEVER overthink things. I'm just waiting for it to come to me in my sleep and translate directly onto the dictation machine I have hooked up to one of the several Alphasmarts I keep on my bedside table.

Also, I'm in NYC visiting Ramsey who, last night, informed me that his popularity with women is "cresting". I'm not sure how to interpret that. I did, however, just see a woman made almost entirely of plastic wearing boots that went up to her thighs. Take that, classiness!

Two final thoughts:

One: I just read a very insightful and interesting analysis on the weird, self-perpetuating marriage between celebrities and the paparazzi in the Atlantic Monthly called "Shooting Britney" (I read the Atlantic, NBD!). It's by David Samuels, a fantastic writer, and it allows people like me--who pretend like I'm too high-minded, literary, and above-the-fray to "slum" by reading about celebrities in US and InTouch and the like-- to read about celebrities and the like (it's okay since it's in the Atlantic!). It's also disturbingly surreal. You can find it here: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200804/britney-spears
Sidenote: (I also read The New Republic! I'm so nuanced!)

Two: I'm officially retiring the music of 1998. I think i've maxed out the usefulness of Sister Hazel and the Offspring. I've opted to back the music bus up another ten years to 1988. Get excited.

Enjoy whatever nuanced joys your weekend brings. We'll continue our friendship on Tuesday.

The,
Flame

Cheap Trick



3/28/2008 12:43:54 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [5] 
 Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The Two Question Novel Quiz Part 5: Secondary Characters
Friends, we're taking a brief respite from the Thesis Insanity to  
drop a quiz today. The insanity--though perpetually all-consuming for  
me--will return for you on Thursday. Know this.

Secondary characters are like the Chili's appetizer Triple Dipper of the  
novel world. First, you're not sure if you should even have them  
around, then you realize you like them, and by the end you kind of  
wish you hadn't ordered the chicken tacos as your main course.  
Without secondary characters, your main characters will  
spend most of the book talking about dream sequences, looking in the mirror
and having flashbacks. So it's important that you create full, well-rounded  
secondary characters to help carry the load. Although they don't get the
same spotlight as the main act, they still need to feel, act, think, yell, and purchase  
Certificates of Deposit in a real, real way. Because if they don't, not only  
will Michiko Kakutani not review your book for the NYTimes, she'll  
probably light it on fire and post the video on Youtube.

Directions: Read the questions then take a permanent marker and  
circle the letter that best corresponds to your own book on your  
computer screen. If you are at an Internet Cafe the directions don't  
change, they just become slightly more subversive.


1. For whatever reason, you keep including scenes in which your main  
character--a dude named Wendy-- goes to his local watering hole,  
Trinity Gardens, to drown his sorrow in Appletini's. The cocktail  
waitress there, Peter Pan, becomes an oft utilized secondary  
character. What details do you include to help shed light on Peter  
Pan's life?


A. Peter Pan has "shimmering" black hair AND above average dental work.

B. Peter Pan wears a wedding ring at the bar during the week, but  
takes it off on the weekends. She also has a child carseat on the  
front passenger side of her yellow Mazda Miata.

C. Peter Pan always says, "I got you babe" when Wendy puts in his  
drink orders, probably because of her love of Sonny and Cher (RIP!). She has
a scar on her chin from an incident involving her ex-husband, who was a Hell's  
Angel and she has the faded remains of a tattoo that says "Captain  
Ho--" someone on her left forearm. She wears purple contact lenses  
and tells men that they're real, until they really get to know her or  
realize that no one has purple eyes.

D. Peter Pan is married to Wendy.


2. If someone who'd read your book kidnapped you and forced you at  
gunpoint to name all of your secondary characters and give brief  
bios, you would:


A. Feel very uncomfortable, albeit slightly flattered that they read  
your book.

B. Be able to name them and give some general characteristics, but  
then be forced to rely on the improv class you took on a lark during  
your semester abroad in Australia.

C. Whip through the bio's, backgrounds, and mental makeup of all the  
characters in such a small but intense time period that the person  
who kidnapped you is overcome with emotions and asks you to lunch at  
Chili's for a Triple Dipper. You (politely) decline.

D. Explain that you had no "secondary" characters. They're all main  
characters in your heart. Then ask to be excused from the kidnapping
citing a technicality.

Answer Key:

Mostly A's: Hmmm. You don't so much know about your secondary  
characters as you do NOT know about them. Unsure as to whether or not  
you'd be able to give the police an accurate sketch if one of them  
hit you with their car. Mildly troubling.

Mostly B's: You're getting there, but you haven't fully committed to  
loving your secondary characters, which begs some questions about  
commitment and other issues that you should lie to your significant
other about.

Mostly C's: Yeah. You know your characters, have a good idea of  
what's going on in the background of their lives, and remain non-
flattered when felons ask you to lunch. Take me to book parties!

Mostly D's: I'm pretty sure you're talking about your protagonist.

How'd you do friends? Awesome? Unawesome? Intensely ambivalent?
Questions, Answers, Results, SAT Verbal scores, and other grievances  
can be aired in the Comments section.

You Make Me,
 Wanna

Usher



3/25/2008 11:35:19 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [17] 
 Thursday, March 20, 2008
The Quick(ish) Descent to Thesis Insanity: (Mostly) Redemptive Song
I had my meeting with my advisor yesterday, the big two hour kind of  
meeting where we went over my novel with fine-toothed combing  
mechanism, and I can report, confidently, that I didn't die. The  
scariest part was sitting in front of her with the manuscript and  
watching her move around her office (as if she was putting it off!),  
then finally sitting down, sighing and saying, "Well, um, ok."

But, friends, her intentions were neither cold-hearted nor snake-
like
. She had  good things to say (for the most part). It seems the  
re-writes I did brought the novel into coherence and upped the  
tension throughout. She loved certain scenes involving a character I  
added as sort of an afterthought, and she was able to think about my  
book in the sort of analytical way that smart people think about  
things. Okay, yes, she now hates my first chapter, and yes,  
apparently chapter four isn't exactly "logical by any sense of the  
word", but overall, not that bad! My favorite part of our two hour  
meeting involved her asking about whether I did something because of  
some sort of complicated, subtle symbolism when I think I just did it  
because I had seen a particularly moving episode of Friday Night  
Lights
right before I started to write.

Other highlights: "You could potentially keep this part if you just  
made it...hmmm...you made it much, much smarter. And funny."

"I'm having difficulty telling the difference between these two  
characters."
"Well, Jay has blond hair."
"Yeah, um, that wasn't really what I meant."

"This part kind of reads like a bad college guidebook."
"Like Barron's?"
"No. Like one that didn't get published."
"The Princeton Review?"
"Stop."

So now I have official orders. And strategy. I have to turn in the  
new ending to the book at the end of next week, all of the vignettes  
(my book has vignettes!) by the end of the following week and then  
make all of the changes that we talked about in this meeting before I  
turn it in to my advisor and reader on April 18. For anyone not  
keeping track at home, that's eight extra days that I didn't think I  
was going to have! I can write at least infinity words in eight days,  
so that has taken some of the pressure off. I now have time to play  
the Big Cat in several games of Stratego (editorial note: I am VERY  
good at Stratego. And it's cheating if you surround your flag with  
bombs) and occasionally shower.

Also, March Madness starts today. Everything--for the time being--is  
coming up Milhouse! Kevin. I assume this will change in the next 36 hours.  
Onward. I hope your weekend is chillaxed yet intensely fulfilling.

Gettin Jiggy,
Wit It

Will Smith



3/20/2008 1:55:43 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [7] 
 Tuesday, March 18, 2008
The Quick(ish) Descent to Thesis Insanity: Game On
Friends, I'm not exactly well.

I'm reaching the critical thesis crunch time and I am NOT in good  
shape. My advisor, having read a second draft of the ms, has informed  
me that the book needs "serious work" and she needs me to "work very  
very very hard" for my thesis to "matter", I have an ending that  
doesn't--on its face-- make any sense, and several of my chapters  
have the gaunt post- Castle Greyskull Skeletor look: just really the  
bones, a blue body and some purple makeup.

Today is March 18.
I need to turn in a copy of my thesis on April 10.
I can't do math but that seems like it's at the most three days from  
now.
I am (almost) officially freaking out.

So I find this a good time to start the official My Quick(ish)  
Descent to Thesis Insanity portion of my blog. From now until the  
manuscript is in the hands of whomever controls the graduate student  
office (or wherever we turn this in... crap, why don't i know  
this??!) I will be offering a deep, insightful dive into a place no  
one wants to go: the mind of an MFA student about to turn in and then  
defend a thesis that he's not entirely confident about to a group of  
professors also not entirely sold on said student. If that doesn't  
sound like a non-stop fun rollercoaster or at least Thunder Mountain,  
then I'm afraid you're probably being logical.

Everything else, at this point, seems like it will take too long.  
Working on anything outside the thesis, going to the gym to wail on  
various parts of my body
, text messaging, using emoticons or the  
restroom-- all of these things would take too much time away from my  
characters, especially the one I've almost entirely based on Ramsey.  
And while I have no problem doing it to Ramsey, I can't let Ramsey's  
pseudo character down.  I need a creativity IV, some sort of diaper  
system, and at least three hippies worth of granola if I'm going to  
make it this three week period without losing myself in the  
(insanity) music. I assume this will involve whiskey.

Anyway, this will be the channel I'm playing on until our April 10th  
deadline. As we get closer to the TD (thesis drop) day, blogs might  
get more frequent or deleted by my editor, depending on my coherency.  
But there will be at least two a week. And some pop culture. And lots  
and lots of the music of 1998 to guide us home.

And for those of you who want nothing to do with the QDTI, fear not--  
like most of the relationships on Saved by the Bell-- this portion of  
my blog will only last three(ish) weeks.

I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve. I have a history of  
taking off my shirt.

One (to Three) Week(s),

Barenaked Ladies


ps- Oh yeah. We've switched the address of the site on the Interweb.  
It's now at blog.writersdigest.com/writerslife/ You can still get to  
it from the old address, but why make it harder on your computer?  
Please adjust your Internets accordingly.



3/18/2008 9:26:05 AM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)  #  Comments [13] 
 Tuesday, March 11, 2008
A Television Show That Will Make You a Better Writer (and Make Me Irrationally Emotional)
There will be better and more coherent posts regarding the series  
finale of the Wire, but I just wanted to offer my final  
recommendation/plea as a writer. "The Wire"--for those who haven't  
heard/seen it-- was a show that was on for five seasons on HBO  
depicting inner-city Baltimore through all the different arms of city  
life: the drug trade, the city police department, the mayor's office,  
the unions, the newspaper, the city schools, etc. The series finale  
was last night. Like my profile on Friendster, it is now retired.  
And--although I do have a penchant for hyperbole-- I swear to you  
that I am not being overly dramatic when I say that "The Wire" is and  
will forever remain the best and most complete form of entertainment  
I have ever experienced. And that goes for books, movies, television,  
internet shows starring Michael Cera, AND my roommate performing  
"Kiss from a Rose" at the Japanese karaoke joint in the Fenway. And I  
love karaoke.

Each season is a chapter in the most complicated and utterly  
authentic tele-novel ever written. It was created by a former  
Baltimore Sun reporter and a former Baltimore detective, and the only  
writers they've brought on to collaborate with are urban crime  
novelists: George Pelecanos, Richard Price, Dennis Lehane, etc. And  
they just nail it. All the characters are so well developed, so real  
feeling, so spot-on with their dialogue, so perfectly placed with  
their own arcs, and internal conflicts, you can't help but grow  
despondently attached to them. I cried when my favorite character was  
killed. Legitimately. And he did (mostly) bad things.

I have been watching this show since it first came on, and although I  
normally take a loserish pride in staking any sort of trendy claim  
about discovering something, I have told everyone I've ever known to  
give it a chance. Anyone that will listen to me. I have pitched this  
show like I had some sort of major investment, like I would somehow  
benefit financially from its success, like it was written by one of  
my (financially well off!) siblings. But I don't have any sort of  
publicity deal. I just appreciate art and  think this show is  
important enough that everyone should watch it. Yes, it has bad  
language (authentic cop/drug dealer talk!), and violence, and other  
vices that may offend, but I guarantee that watching this show will  
improve your ability to see and develop full characters and recognize  
the greatness that comes with real authenticity in writing. The  
entire show sounds improvised and ad-libbed, but according to what  
I've read, hardly any of it deviates at all from the script, which is  
the true litmus test of real dialogue writing. Even my dad (MY dad!),  
who won't do anything I ask him and shies away from publicly  
admitting he helped create me, begrudgingly watched the first season,  
and ended up secretly watching all the other seasons behind my back  
because he didn't want to admit I was right. Friends, The Wire is a  
show for writers. Trust me on this. Rent the first season, watch the  
12 episodes, and if you don't like it or at least see what I mean, I  
will (probably) personally mail you a check for $8.99 in Netflix  
expenses. OK, so I won't write you a check but you will definitely
not be invited to my Annual Wire Anniversary Gala next March
(featuring Kim Kardashian!).

Ok. Whew. I'm sorry. I'm all choked up. I will now step down off of  
my soap box, dry my eyes and resume what's left of my regularly  
scheduled blog entry.

I am on deadline again for Boston Magazine, trying to finish up a  
quick essay piece re: an interesting phenomenon in city social  
circles. For fear of someone stealing my idea, I will NOT be more  
specific. My plan of attack is to write several hundred word blocks  
in stream-of-conscious fashion for two hours straight until I find  
something that actually sounds clever/accurate and then fashion my  
entire piece around that insight. FYI: I do NOT recommend this tactic  
for the GRE writing section.

This was really great, friends. Let's do it again Thursday.

Also, the songs of 1998 will resume with Thursdays entry, but I was  
reminded last night that every make