Writer's Digest blog - This Writer's Life by Kevin Alexander

Everybody knows that-- much like the plot lines in the Wesley Snipes
vehicle Passenger 57-- a good novel needs to have conflict. My novel,
for example, has so much conflict that my thesis advisor actually
wants me to call it either Conflict(ed) or Hot Damn!!: A Novel. But
today we're focusing on you. And if you're reading this, you're more
than likely writing a novel, or at least a thinly veiled memoir. So
DVR "The View", sit down and answer these two simple questions and
let's find out if your novels got beef.

1. Which description most aptly describes your antagonist's
relationship with your protagonist?

A. My protagonist Casey likes Romantic Comedies whereas my antagonist
Drew only kind of likes Romantic Comedies.

B. My protagonist is a 15 year old boy named Casey interested in
seeing an R rated Romantic Comedy starring Michael Cera, but standing in his way is the ticket
collector, a 17 year old boy named Drew who's a stickler for the
rules. It's kind of a short book.

C. My protagonist Casey wants nothing more than to write the greatest
Romantic Comedy of all time but standing in her way is the
antagonist, Drew, who has made it his life mission to preserve
Failure to Launch as the greatest romantic comedy of all time, and
will stop at nothing (Nothing!!) to keep it that way. Plus they're
married.

D. My protagonist Casey is at Blockbuster with his antagonist Drew.
Casey wants to get a Failure To Launch because he heard it's the
greatest Romantic Comedy of all time. Drew kills him with a longbow.

2. In How To Write a Damn Good Novel, James N. Frey discusses the
importance of keeping your characters in a "crucible", which he
describes as "the container that holds the character's together as
things heat up...or the bond that keeps them in conflict with each
other". Pick the letter that best corresponds to the crucible your
characters are in.

A. Drew dislikes Casey's views on politics and they both live in the
same city so they could, like, totally run into each other at Trader
Joe's and it would be awkward. The city is their crucible.

B. Drew hates Casey but Casey is his driving ed instructor. If Drew
doesn't pass Driver's Ed, he has to take it again, which is a total
waste of a summer. The class is their crucible.

C. Drew hates Casey but Casey is his sergeant in the army during the
Mexican-American war of 1846. And they're forced to share a tent. And
Casey is married to his sister, Taylor, who's a pretty good singer.
The army, marriage, and shared space are their crucibles.

D. Drew hates Casey because Casey started to walk across the street
when the Don't Walk sign was blinking. F*ck a crucible, Drew kills
Casey with a longbow.

Key:
Mostly A's: Um, no, this isn't going to work. I've seen more conflict
on "Dora the Explorer". In fact, go watch it.

Mostly B's and C's: Now we're talking. Or maybe fighting. But in a
good way. You've got all the right ingredients to have a potentially
interesting and novel length conflict. And that Mexican-American war
story seems like a surefire blockbuster. You're welcome.

Mostly D's: Unfortunately, you've got a case of what the pros like to
call "jumping conflict". Things accelerate without building up and
don't really add up. You're like the Jerry Springer contestant of
novel writing. Put down that longbow.

Let me know how you fare in the Comments. Have a great weekend.

Get Crunk,

KA

9/28/2007 1:55:08 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [7]

Monday, September 24, 2007

In the Marketplace of (Really Good) Ideas

I had an informal meeting the other day with a few of the editors at Boston Magazine to discuss stories for the Fall/Winter. I say informal because we didn't schedule the meeting (I just sort of wandered over to one of the editor's cubes, and the other editor happened to walk by and decided to join the fray --the Fray?--) and I was (probably) wearing a ring spun cotton distressed t-shirt with some sort of clever saying on it. Point being, sh*t was casual.

The start of the meeting went something like this:
"Kev, you need to write some sweet stories."
"Yeah, but I don't want to do something standard. I want to, like, infiltrate a sub-culture or something."
"Fine, yeah. I'm with you. What did you have in mind?"
"...Something edgy."
"Ok. Be specific."
"I dunno, but i bet some sh*t goes on in Cambridge."
"What type of sh*t?"
"Uh... edgy, counter-culture type sh*t."
"Yeah. That's not a story idea."

Eventually, joined by the other editor, things got more specific. The editors tried to convince me to do stories that required investigative journalism and phone calls and I tried to convince them that I should do (hilarious!!) essays with little to no reporting. (Note: story ideas have been changed to protect their awesomeness and ensure that someone else doesn't pitch them, sign the contracts and get the money that I need to pay for the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia DVD I just purchased off Amazon)

"What about you trying to take down this major Boston institution? I mean, that's the type of story that makes a writer's career."
"Hmmmm. What about if I write a 'Where is He Now' profile of Rick Astley? But not even like a profile, more like an essay about where I think he is now..."
"Rick Astley? The singer from the 80s? Is he even from Boston?"
"I'm sure he's been to Boston."
"No."

This back and forth is a central part of the story-creation process. When I was younger I was so happy just to be getting paid to write that I would feign enthusiasm for pretty much anything, and come away with contracts for stories that I not only wasn't very amped up about, but also didn't really understand. Of course, unless you're named Mitch Albom or working part-time for a hedge fund, the reality of the situation is you probably need money, and sometimes you have to do things strictly to keep your electricity/DVR working. But--as I've said repeatedly-- one of my only strengths (aside from being devastatingly modest) is that I am now very aware of my limitations as a writer and no longer feel that familiar Catholic-tinged guilt of my youth when I turn down an idea that I know I wouldn't be best for anyway.

Anyway, we did eventually come up with several story ideas to pursue that sated both parties and I left feeling productive and principled. Plus, being hypothetically flush with cash from my new contracts, I spent the rest of the day on iTunes, downloading the remaining eight Rick Astley tracks I had yet to purchase and poking people on Facebook. Win-f-ing-Win.

Stay tuned later on this week for a sweet very short but completely essential writing quiz.

Crank Dat,

Soulja,
Boy

9/24/2007 3:45:06 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [4]

Monday, September 17, 2007

Reviews of Books I Was Forced To Read in High School, Part 1: Ethan Frome

By all accounts, Edith Wharton is not a sadist. Although she did marry a man twelve years her senior who happened to go insane and intentionally chose to spend most of her life in France, she was an influential taste-maker, a friend of Teddy Roosevelt, and somewhat embarrassed by boozehound F. Scott Fitzgerald's social awkwardness. According to Wikipedia, she was damn prolific, and I'm even willing to admit that I read (most of) The Age of Innocence and I really liked it. But her novel Ethan Frome almost ruined me on American Lit....4...eva:(.

I was a sophomore in high school when Frome was assigned. We'd just read A Catcher in the Rye, which might have been the first school book that I'd actually read, and I was still wired from the energy and vitality of Salinger's language.To quote Tracy Morgan in "30 Rock", I liked A Catcher in the Rye so much, I wanted to (figuratively speaking) take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant. Literature, I thought, (but of course never said aloud for fear of social ostracizing) wasn't boring. Literature was the sh*t. Eat it, Natural Sciences.

And then came along Ethan and Zeena and Mattie and Starkfield, MA. Now to be fair, I can say now that I understand what Wharton was doing in the book. I get that it was some sort of commentary on a life unfulfilled, on the human ability to endure, and the longing to be free. I get that it's pretty damn similar to what she had going on in her own life at the time, and her therapist encouraged her to write about her problems. But just because I've taken a bunch of MFA courses, which have enabled me to separate things I get from things I don't get, doesn't mean that I have to like it. And I, friends, do not like Ethan Frome. Aggressively.

For a 15-16 year old kid (even as highly sophisticated as I imagine myself to have been), the book was the ultimate tease. I kept waiting for Ethan to make a move. Make any move. Kill Zeena. Tongue kiss Mattie. Learn to do the foxtrot. Invent the Internet. Anything. But Ethan couldn't ever pull the trigger. Speaking of which, if I was trying to commit some sort of symbolic suicidal act that would forever link me to my unrequited lover, sledding down a hill into a big tree wouldn't even be in my top 10. (#6: Hang glide into Plymouth Rock while both dressed in period garb) Finishing the book didn't even make me feel satisfied, it just made me want to sit on my lime green beanbag chair and listen to the Reality Bites soundtrack on repeat. Psychology books might describe this as "not awesome".

Although I usually have a soft spot for the books I didn't understand in high school, I haven't read Ethan Frome since. In fact, I saw it in the bookstore yesterday and I could barely look at the title. It fills me with a deep, hollow sadness, much like witnessing Britney Spears' performance at the VMA's.

And Wharton--despite her prodigious talents and the fact that she unironically named her estate in Lenox, MA, "The Mount"-- will forever remain the woman who took away my appreciation for American Literature in high school and gave it to Matt Brady (Class of 99, WHS), who somehow managed to get an A on the paper even though he didn't run spell check.

Join me on my next 'review of books I was forced to read in high school' when I tell you 3 things you already knew about Great Expectations. And feel free to share your own worst book high school experiences, or nominate books you'd like to see reviewed. Don't be ashamed, just think of my blog as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding.

Check Up On It,

Bey,
once

PS- Pictured below: The author, posing for the cover of the 1910 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue: Literary Ladies Edition and an approximation of Ethan and Mattie post unsuccessful sled suicide. Ouch.

9/17/2007 4:36:55 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [14]

Monday, September 10, 2007

Back and Even Better

Hello, friends. First of all, I'd like to offer a quick apology for the lack of communication via the blog lately. You see, we at WD have been doing some thinking and talking and general housekeeping regarding just how we can bring you the best blog possible, and these things take time, manpower and cinnamon raisin bagels. But now we're back and I'm pleased to announce that the blog is going to become a new, exciting and potentially uber-hip place to be. As the hep cats say, it'll be off the chain.

Two Sweet New Additions:

1. Consistency. A Brand Spanking New Blog Entry will be up every monday. Some weeks there will be more than one entry, but--at the very least-- you'll be able to set your Brookstone Digital SmartSet Clock Radio to the fact that Monday will offer something new. And there will be no more wondering if Kevin sold his computer and rights to access the Internet 2.0 for a guided tour of Elizabeth Hasselbeck's dressing room.

2. New Stuff. Aside from following the trials, tribulations, and treachery of my writing life, there will be more recurring entries in the vein of the Life Changingly Awesome Queries including, but not limited to: Reviews of Books I was Forced To Read in High School, Incredibly Awkward Author Pics, and Extremely Brief But Scarily Accurate Writing Quizzes, all designed to help me help you help yourself be the best damn writer, like, EVER.

So there, friends. And this is all happening, starting now. So feel free to take full advantage of the new edition of the this Writer's Life blog as you see fit.

Once again, I look forward to our many future interactions. Our love knows no (technological) bounds.

KA

9/10/2007 1:47:44 PM (Eastern Daylight Time, UTC-04:00)

Comments [3]